Lisa's Infectious Agent
by Superfloxes
Summary: A slight accident in the lab results in Lisa getting infected by a bizarre virus she was studying, which makes her act a different kind of weird. To get it out, they'll need to go inside her. Slight issue when the two people going in probably weren't the best for the job. Based on a SBSP episode.
1. An Oopsie

**Author Notes - Fun Fact: This was the first Loud House fanfiction I wrote. Yes, the first one I wrote was this weird piece of... whatever it is. In fact, I wrote it when I was only, like, half-way through watching the series. I was _that_ excited to get started. Note that I only started watching the show a few months ago (back in July, I believe).**

**This little story is based on my favourite episode of **_**SpongeBob**_**, 'Karens Virus'. Yes, that Season Eleven episode. Sorry 'Bank Geeks'.**

**My favourite character is Lisa, and if you knew me personally you wouldn't be surprised at all.**

**For those who like her, you can appreciate a story focusing on her. For those who (understandably) don't like her, you might just like what I do to her. More-or-less, everyone wins!**

**I expected this story to be a sizeable one-shot at most, but it ended up spiralling into a rather packed short story.**

**Wait, I got one. I guess you could say I'm **_**Lincoln**_ **my favourite shows together! Get it? Too much of a stretch, huh? Blame Luan; she did this to me.**

**If you are expecting a serious story... well, that's not what you're getting.**

**CHAPTER ONE - AN OOPSIE**

_Miss Lisa M. Loud, we have decided that you should be the one to study a bizarre virus we uncovered in this lab. This virus was first discovered in - yes, __in_ _\- one my colleagues, who exhibited cold-like symptoms before acting, um, weird. We would study it ourselves, but we have enough work as is. Be sure to share any and all results with us._

_\- Dr J_

When living in a household as wild as the Louds', there is usually only one saving grace amongst all the chaos - you can expect that the insanity would involve some sort of schedule. At mealtimes it would mostly be relegated to the dining room, for instance.

And it wasn't as if it was just off-the-wall craziness that followed no rules at all. Usually, it was almost organised chaos, at least when they weren't all fighting over something. The children of the house would enjoy themselves doing what they liked.

Lincoln remained in his closet-bedroom reading comic books - in his underwear, of course - while his sisters made their own fun. Whether it was Luan practising for her next show, or Lucy working on stopping her pulse, everyone had something to do.

What most of them were doing is irrelevant to this story. The story really begins in the bedroom of the one and only Lisa Loud. She was attending to what she always did - the wonderful world of science. Since science is so broad, we need to get more specific.

She looked at something under a microscope, and was currently in the process of measuring the size of said something.

'... which comes to... approximately two-thousand nanometres across? That's twice the size of species from the Pandoravirus genus! Intriguing...'

Discovering or investigating a new species was always an amazing experience, but this one offered to her especially piqued her interest. Why? Because it was... weird; borderline impossible by most biological rules.

She was told it was a virus, and though she held her colleagues in high regards she had to question their designation. The 'virus' was huge, for a 'virus' at least. The already big Pandoravirus was potentially its own _domain_ for Woese's sake.

Its size was the least of its oddities. In contrast of the shapeless blobs most viruses were, this one had a shape. That shape was akin to that of a Chinese dragon, of all things. To boot, its 'skin' was visibly red. And it had a face. An actual face, albeit a simple one consisting of merely two eyes and a mouth.

The weirdness of the whole thing just intrigued her further. The prospect of potentially creating a new domain fuelled her curiosity.

She just had to be careful. Memories of the last time a virus spread in their household made sure of that. Even if she managed to last the third-longest out of her entire family, dealing with another zombie apocalypse was not something she wanted. Ever. Again.

For now, there was no risk, what with it being stuck between two panes of glass under her microscope.

Did it just take a nibble out of the glass?

The real problems could ensue when she 'gave' it to a test subject, so she could test for any 'symptoms'. She glanced over to a rat that she had locked away in a glass box; if Lana didn't know, she wouldn't get mad.

Turning the light of the microscope off - and missing the smirk the virus gave her right before she did so - she, with plenty of care, removed the slide from the stage. With even more care, she reached for the glass box with her free hand to open it up...

'Hi Lisa!'

'AAHHH!'

The young scientist jumped as her concentration shattered. For some reason, she never quite got herself used to interruptions from people with the last name 'Loud'. She took a moment to glance at the slide, which was still in her hand, before checking to see who had barged into her room uninvited.

The intruder was none other than Leni, looking at her with a beaming smile. The ditzy fashionista was the worse kind of intruder, the kind who never had bad intentions and thus no one could be mad at her, no matter how much one wanted to be.

'I haven't heard you all morning,' The intruder said. 'So I wanted to make sure you were okay.'

Then again, Lisa couldn't hate any of her sisters or her brother even if she did want to. She could still dislike their interruptions though.

'While I _appreciate_ your concern, did you not detect the sign on the door?' She questioned.

Leni gave her a confused look. 'What sign?'

Lisa was about ready to respond in a deadpanned and likely sarcastic way, only to see that her door was completely sign-less. Said sign lay in the middle of the hallway, now covered in muddy footprints and tyre marks.

No doubt Lana and Lola were behind it. Regardless, Leni couldn't be at fault _this_ time.

'Do not be concerned, second-eldest sibling.' Lisa said. 'I am quite content with my self-inflicted isolation. I am an introvert, which means I derive energy from- **YAH!**'

Once again, she found herself interrupted by someone intruding into her lab. This time, however, it was a snake, which had slithered up her chair, past her legs, and was making its way onto her work-desk.

Had she not been living in her insane household for four years now, she'd be far more surprised (her initial shock not withstanding). The snake slithered over to the glass box, and stared at the mouse inside. The mouse gave it a rude hand gesture.

'Lana!' Lisa called. 'Your domesticated candoia has infiltrated my area designated for sleep!'

'Uh, I'm pretty sure that's Lana's _snake_, Lisa.' Leni said, pointing at said snake. 'And his name is El Diablo.'

Lisa gave Leni a disapproving look for a moment, before the snake's owner popped out from behind the door frame.

'Sorry, Lis.' Lana said with just a _little_ repentance. 'It's his weekly feeding time and he got away from me.'

'If you could escort him out,' Lisa said. 'That would be much appreciated. I would like to continue my experiments any time soon.'

As Lana followed her scaly pet up onto the work-desk, Lisa tried to ignore the three trespassers. She looked back at the slide in her hand and...

'Oh, I see. You came here 'cos you smelled fresh food, huh? Hey, isn't that Bitey's new girlfriend?'

Wait, where's the slide? It didn't take her long to realise that the surprise El Diablo gave her made her drop it. Her eyes widened as she saw it on her desk... cracked clean in half. She picked up the halves in one hand each.

'Wait, snakes can smell things?'

'Yeah! But they do it with their tongue and this thing called a Jacobson's Organ.'

Best case scenario, she just wasted a perfectly good slide for no good reason. Worst case scenario, she had an outbreak on her hands; possibly literally, considering that she was holding the broken halves. Even if that creature wasn't an infective agent, finding a microscopic organism would be borderline impossible.

'Oh, okay! Is Jacobson okay with that?'

In the background, Leni and Lana continued their conversation about the anatomy of snakes. If she had been listening, Lisa would've been impressed with all that Lana knew.

'L-Listen, intruding siblings,' Lisa said, trying her darnedest to hide her nerves. 'I must request that you depart from my room immediately. I am in the middle of a... of a...'

She found herself unable to continue, as a tickle in her nose interrupted her. The feeling did not go away, and if anything got worse as it progressed to a tingly sensation. When her breathing hitched, she knew precisely where this was-

'_AH-__**CHOO!**_'

Going.

It caught the attention of both Leni and Lana. The latter flinched and adopted a somewhat defensive stance - likely due to that flu incidence - while the former took on a more caring and sympathetic look.

'Awww, are you feeling alright?' Leni asked.

'Careful Len.' Lana said, backing away a bit. Her snake hid behind her. 'We don't want another outbreak.'

Lisa rolled her eyes. Her usual mildly-annoyed expression did a good job at hiding that the idea of a possible outbreak did scare her a little. To make it worse, a thought crept up on her: that her otherwise random sneeze was due to the 'virus'. She had little time to worry about that, and was more pre-occupied with getting the intruders out.

'Do not overreact, dear siblings.' Lisa said. 'What you witnessed was merely sternutation, an involuntary expulsion of a gaseous substance through the mouth and nose - street name: a sneeze - which can but does not necessarily mean that an illness has been... been...'

Now, something else entirely interrupted her: an odd feeling of lightheadedness. She could feel her consciousness slipping away, and a sensation of pure euphoria replaced it. Her usually incredibly-active brain began to give up and relax. She laughed, for no other reason beyond her spontaneous happiness. She wobbled around on her work chair as the world turned into a blurry mess of colours.

'Uh oh, ha ha...! It seems I'm losing oxygen-rich blood flow to the brain!' She said, slurring her words slightly.

'Lisa? Are you-?'

***THUD***

Lisa fell off her chair in her dizziness spell. The pain upon hitting the floor merely felt like part of the experience, and thus she had no reaction beyond delirious laughter.

'_Daisy, Daisy..._' She sang off-key. '_Respond to me with your thoughts to my question do!_'

'OMgosh, Lisa!' Leni cried.

The fashionista may not have been the brightest, but she knew when someone was in trouble. She ran for her little sister, arms out ready to pick her up.

At the same time, Lana had to choose between two actions. Like the rest of them, seeing one of their own - one of her _younger_ sisters to boot - get hurt triggered something within her. Yet, the possibility of another zombie invasion kept her away. She took one step back, and the moment her foot hit the ground she heard something turning on behind her.

She turned around to see some sort of strange device she had never seen before. It looked like a laser gun as big as her, and attached to its side appeared to be a needle that made her shudder just from looking at it.

The tip of the laser gun glowed a bright blue, and aimed directly at her and Leni. Considering whose room they were in, it could've done anything from turning them invisible to blowing them up. Likely the latter.

With how bright the light on its tip got, it was clear the device was about to fire.

'Leni, look-!'

Before Lana could finish her warning, the laser fired. It caught both her and Leni in a bright blue glow, totally blinding them. From little they could see, the world around them seemed to grow, and grow, and grow.

'Hey Lisa, I need some help with my-'

Lincoln, now fully clothed, stood in the room's doorway. The sounds of an invention gone wrong didn't deter him too much, but the sight that greeted him certainly did.

The blue light enveloping Leni and Lana shrunk them down, tiny enough that he couldn't see them or even the glow surrounding them. A mechanical arm popped out of the giant laser gun, and grabbed the needle attached to the machine.

The arm took hardly any time at all checking the room to see where the 'infected' lay, before jabbing the needle into the arm of a slightly manic Lisa.

Lisa cringed as the sharp point intercepted her skin, but otherwise remained plastered with a wonky smile on her face.

'I don't need no vaccinations, Mother.' She said, giggling for no reason. 'I don't need my boosters for another six rotations around the sun.'

At first, Lincoln had no response other than shocked staring. Even amongst the utter insanity that went down in that room alone, what he witnessed went the extra mile.

'**Injection complete.**' The machine spoke in a monotone voice. '**Test Subject - Lisa - has been successfully infected by - the mysterious virus. Volunteers - Leni and Lana - have infiltrated test subject. Note that volunteers will not be released until either - virus - has been caught or test subject perishes.**'

They needed help, and he knew only one person who could deal with insanity like it was nothing.

* * *

Whatever the heck just happened, it all went by too fast for either Leni or Lana to fully process it.

Lana was just small enough to fall through the needle's tip with ease. She landed on her rear with a light squish. Not a thud, but a squish. She looked around, to see an environment familiar yet unknown.

It reminded her of the pipes she loved to work with. The place was just like a big tunnel, with the kind of stuff only _she_ liked caked on the walls. However, it lacked the usual aroma of, well, exactly what you'd find in a toilet's pipes, or even a shower, which was a shame since that was part of the fun of it. Instead, the place smelled like the back of the butcher's shop; in other words, a light hint blood.

The time she had to appreciate the environment was limited.

***THUD***

The needle managed to push Leni out through its point, and she crashed into the ground. Her landing was surprisingly soft, though.

'Lana?' She called, looking around. The surroundings made her wince. 'Lana, where are you?'

'Mowm mere.'

Leni looked down, to see the young plumber face-down on the squishy floor. And underneath her body.

'Oh. Sorry!'

After the two sisters recovered from their rough landing - as in, Leni helped Lana back up - it was time to question things. And there were a lot of things to question.

'So, where are we?' Leni asked.

Lana shrugged, and looked around with a nonchalant expression. 'I dunno. This is Lisa we're talkin' about, so we could be anywhere.' Her eyes widened. 'Get down!'

'Don't you think this is, like, a bad time to dance?'

Having no time to deal with Leni's dim remark, Lana grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down with her. Just in time too, as a thick red discus the size of Lana's face soared right above Leni's head.

The discus was not alone, as soon a whole seemingly-endless swarm of the red discuses zoomed above them, each coming with their own 'WHOOSH' sound. As the sisters tried to understand what the heck was going on, a small device on the back of Leni's neck began to flash blue.

* * *

Not many people liked Lori and her bossy demeanour, but there was a very good reason she acted the way she did: situations like _this_.

When Lincoln came crying for help, she did her best to ignore him. Eventually, she decided to humour him and see what he was freaking out about. Upon doing so, she understood.

It only took one sentence for her to realise the scope of the situation: 'Hey biggest sibling of the female gender, how's it going!?' A slurred sentence uttered by a woozy Lisa. And that was before Lincoln even explained anything.

When he explained everything - which he did _after_ freaking out when Lisa accidentally sneezed on him and realising nothing bad was happening - Lori struggled to come up with words to say. She could only stare at the machine and back at Lisa.

The four-year-old was still sitting on the floor with a crooked smile. '_In the proud mouse, in the proud mouse..._' She sang, horribly off-key. '_Luck, lodge, bush and doves... it's how we know our gloves..._'

The song made Lori connect her hand to her forehead in one swift motion.

'You're good at dealing with situations like this.' Lincoln said. 'What should we do?'

She sighed. 'Lincoln, let _me_ explain this to _you_. What has just happened is that Lisa's been infected with _something_, while Leni and Lana are literally inside her body right now. What do you _expect me to do about this?!_'

Before Lincoln could give any sort of response, another voice came from somewhere in the room.

'What _are_ those things?!'

The yell, slightly distorted but still recognisably Leni's voice, came from the machine that shrunk two of their sisters. Turns out the thing had a speaker attached to it, and attached to that was a microphone.

'I don't know!' That voice was clearly Lana's. 'They look like giant red frisbees.'

'Can whoever's throwing them, like, stop it?' Came Leni's voice again.

* * *

'Leni? Lana? Can you hear me?'

Leni's head perked up, and her eyes darted around looking for her older sister.

'Lori? You're here! But where are you?'

Lori sighed. 'I'm not there, Leni.'

'Then where are you?'

Fortunately, Lana was there to spot the flashing device on the back of her neck and tell her about it. Doing so took far longer than expected, and frankly you don't need to go through it yourself.

'Good, we got that sorted out.' Lori said in a exasperated tone. 'And more importantly, you are in Lisa's body right now.'

'What?!' Leni exclaimed.

Lana grinned. 'Sweet.'

'Yes, really. Those _red frisbees_ as you called them are probably blood cells. Seeing as this is Lisa's device, I don't even want to touch it in case it explodes in my face. Unfortunately, the only one who knows exactly what's going on - as in, Lisa - is not in the position to tell us.'

On the 'outside world', Lisa heard that and took it as a challenge. She stood up, and teetered over to her eldest sister.

'Well, ya see...' She began, unable to stand up straight for more than a second.

All siblings in the room turned to listen, including the ones who could only hear her over the mic.

'Those colleagues of mine, the ones from waaay outta town, sent me this virus-thingy.'

'Thingy?' Lori echoed with a deadpanned tone and a raised eyebrow.

Lisa glared at her. 'Look, ma neurological processes are kinda breaking down right now. Anyway, there was a slight oopsie or something and that virus-thingy I was studying is in me right now.'

This was the one time Lori wanted her to speak in her usual 'read the Thesaurus a few too many times' speech. It was preferable to whatever this was.

'How did _that_ happen?' Lincoln asked.

Now she glared at him. 'Look bud, it wasn't my fault. Cos of their _interruption_, Leni and the other one were chosen by that machine to go into me and kill the thing. This is the exact opposite of how I wanted this study ta go, but whaddya gonna do? Be glad I rigged that machine to implant a walkie-talkie thing on one of them.'

With that, she fell over. She lifted her head up to explain the last and very important point.

'Oh yeah, and they're not getting out until the virus-thingy is killed.'

'What?!' Lori yelled. 'You seriously can't get them out yourself?'

'Okay, yeah, in hindsight it was kinda a dumb idea. But like I said, I did not expect it to turn out this way. Look, all Lana and the other one have to do is kill the big red dragon virus and they'll be fine.'

Lori sighed again. Somehow, her rage towards the current situation got so high that it wrapped back around to merely mild annoyance; on the outside at least.

'Fantastic.' She said. 'Every time I think it can't get more ridiculous, one of you finds a way. Leni, Lana, did you get that?'

...

'Uh... did you get that? Respond to me!'

'_AAAAHHHHHH!_'

**Author Notes - I intended for this to be just a one-shot, before realising how long it was getting. I cannot write a short story even if I try my darnedest to.**

**Regardless, I got everything down. That's all that really matters.**

**I chose Leni and Lana specifically, and certainly not randomly. I chose Leni since she's my third-favourite (behind Lisa and Lucy), and I had to throw the ditz in there. Lana's in there too because I figured it'd be a waste **_**not**_ **to throw her into the gross human body, and for a second reason you'll see later.**

**As for why Lisa's the one playing the role of Karen - other than the obvious 'she is my favourite' - that's because I love seeing characters who are normally above-it-all acting kooky due to some external source. After all, that's why Karen's odd behaviour was so funny to begin with.**


	2. Hello There Baby

**Author Notes - When it comes to differences between this story and the original episode, there's a pretty major one: ****in 'Karens Virus', we go inside a computer's body. In this story, we're going inside a human's body. So by default things have to be a little different. Expect for me to take an approach that's biologically both correct and very incorrect.**

**Like I say, Life Science student. Fantastic class, that was. I got to see two stick insects getting it on. Yes, really. Or were they praying mantises? **

**I wanna give every Loud sibling at least one scene to do something funny. Because if I didn't it would feel like something was missing.**

**Expect quite a bit of back-and-forth between the two subplots: Leni and Lana's adventure inside of Lisa, and the other siblings trying to control the situation.**

**CHAPTER TWO - HELLO THERE BABY**

'Alright Lincoln, you need to keep watch of the door. If our parents see Lisa acting like _that_-'

'Ya know, I'm right here, ya know!'

'Yeah, that - they will literally kill us. Last time I saw someone acting like this was when Luna drank too much at that party... If you see our parents arriving home, shout out the safe word _pineapple_. Got it?'

'Ma'am yes ma'am!'

* * *

It wasn't that Leni didn't get the message; she did, and even sorta understood it thanks to the degradation of Lisa's vocabulary. She was just unable to respond on account of running for her life.

'AAAHHH!' She screamed. 'MOOONSTEEER!'

Fortunately for her, there were no trees or doors for her to run into.

'HELP!' She yelled.

A giant red dragon soared through the 'air' right behind her, glaring down at her with its glowing green eyes. The glare contained not the intent to eat, but instead annoyance.

'That's got ta be the virus Lisa was talking about!' Lana said.

'We're supposed to kill _this_?!'

Lana chased after them, not to save Leni but to get her to stop acting like a moron. The virus swam among the blood cells, eating plenty of them as it did.

'Leni, she's only chasing after you because you're annoying her!'

'How do I stop doing that?! Wah!'

Lana looked up at the virus for just a moment, only to notice that Leni seemed to have disappeared completely.

'Leni?'

She skidded to a stop as the virus fled the scene, and she looked around for her ditzy sister. She had no time to look, as an arm grabbed her wrist and pulled her in.

'Hey!' She said. 'Let go of-'

'Relax.' The semi-familiar voice said to her. 'I'm not going to hurt you.'

Leni was there with her, but that was not her greatest concern at that moment. The voice belonged to... Lincoln, it seemed, who was also in with them apparently.

'Oh hi Lincoln!' Leni greeted, before her happy expression turned to confusion. 'Wait, how did you get in here?'

There was something a little off about this Lincoln, and it wasn't just that there was no way he could've possibly made his way into Lisa's bloodstream when he was outside a few moments ago.

This Lincoln's voice was constantly in falsetto, and his hair was significantly longer than normal. If Lana didn't know any better, she'd think this Lincoln wasn't even a boy.

'Lincoln?' The Lincoln said. 'Oh, there must be some confusion here. I'm not the same Lincoln you know outside.'

'You're not?' Leni questioned.

He shook his head. 'Nope. I'm actually _Lisa's_ version of that same Lincoln. Ya know, how she sees him! I'm Linka!'

Suddenly, some things made a little more sense while others made even less. Lana raised an eyebrow while Leni smiled.

'So, Lisa sees Lincoln as a _girl_?' Lana asked. 'I know he's not the manliest guy in the world, but I wouldn't say I see him as a girl.'

'AWWW!' Leni said, tears in her eyes. 'Lisa sees Lincoln as one of us! HOW CUUUTE!'

Lisa's version of Lincoln - now known as 'Linka' - left her (saying 'her' as that seems most appropriate) hiding spot and looked down the deep tunnel of a bloodstream. The virus's growling could be heard, and they were not that distant.

'That virus has only been here for a few minutes, and already it's caused so many problems.' She explained. 'With all those oxygen-rich blood cells it's consuming, it can't be good for Lisa.'

Leni stood by her side, less-than-joyous tears in her eyes now. Though she barely understood what Linka said, she knew it was bad. 'Will Lisa be alright?'

Linka pondered for a few moments. 'If we kill that virus soon, she should be relatively fine. But if we don't... let's not worry about it now.'

Listening to Linka left Lana conflicted. She cared about her little sister, of course, and did not want to think about the worst case scenario. None of them liked thinking about that.

But... 'kill' the virus? Did they have to 'kill' her? Ignoring the fact they had no way of doing that, the thought of killing a life-form as expressive as that virus...

Her thoughts were interrupted by a yell, all the way at the 'end' of the arteries tunnel up ahead. The voice was deep, deeper than most men's voices. The owner of said voice, however, was very clear.

'VIRUS BAD! VIRUS HURT LISA! LYNN MAD AT VIRUS! LYNN SMASH!'

Linka sighed.

* * *

'... and that's why I need you to keep an eye on her. Understood?'

If what Lori just heard over the microphone was any indication, she needed her full attention on that speaker; attention she couldn't put on her tipsy four-year-old sister.

Luna stood in the doorway, looking down at the aforementioned four-year-old with wide eyes. She was very used to Lisa acting weird, but this was not 'Lisa' weird. This was 'had way too much fun at that party' weird.

Everything from the glassy eyes to the stumbling walk felt incredibly off.

'Oh 'ello Luna!' Lisa blurted out with the worst British accent ever. 'How 'bout ya lay down some sweet jams?'

Lori groaned; the raving statements coming out of that mouth lost their shock after she mentioned a 'spectrum of light consisting of consumable animal products'.

Luna looked up to Lori and gave her a grin. 'No worries, dude!' She said. 'Luan and I can handle it.'

'It?' Lisa repeated bitterly. 'I am not an _it_, I am a _she_. In this case though, it'd be more grammar-ily correct to call me a _her_.'

Luna gave _her_ a look before looking back at Lori. 'Yeah, she's still with us.'

She knelt down to the prodigy's level, and grabbed her by the neck of her sweater. The moment Luna lifted her up, Lisa flailed her limbs about in a fruitless attempt to break free. Not helped that her flailing only had as much energy as she could muster in her state, which was very little.

'You can't throw me out!' She yelled. 'I'll leave when I want too! If you make me leave, I swear, I will DESTROY YOU!'

Luna raised an eyebrow, but otherwise had no reaction.

'Sure you will.' Lori said with an eye-roll.

* * *

Linka ran towards the source of the deep yell, with Lana and Leni following close behind. The inside of the artery seemed to be the same all the way down.

Due to lacking most organs, Linka could run without needing to breathe heavily to pump non-existent blood faster. Oh yeah, almost no organs at all. Lana and Leni, however, were fully-fledged human beings who were beginning to feel all that running catching up to them.

'So...' Linka said. 'You're the two accidentally sent in to help us with our host Lisa?'

'Yeah, that's... about right.' Lana said.

Linka was about to ask some more questions, when she suddenly stopped dead. Lana managed to stop a few moments later, but Leni ended up tripping over her tiny body and landing flat on her face.

'You okay, Len?'

'I'm good!'

Upon seeing the source of the deep voice, Linka groaned. 'Should've known.'

The virus had stopped its feeding frenzy, glaring down at something that had grabbed its tail and tried to pull it down.

'LYNN CAN'T SMASH AIR TARGETS! LYNN MUST BRING VIRUS DOWN SO LYNN CAN SMASH VIRUS!'

The one failing to pull it down was none other than Lynn, in case her constant use of her own name didn't make that clear, who had the virus's tail in her hands. The difference being... sweet baby James, those arms. This Lynn had arms so muscular, they'd give any weight-lifting champion a run for his money, with pretty impressive abs to boot.

Linka rolled her eyes. 'Of course Lynn would try to take it on...'

Leni picked herself up and waved. 'Hi Lynn! Have you been working out?'

'Uh, Leni,' Lana said. 'I think that's _Lisa's_ version of Lynn.'

Leni squinted. 'Oh, I see! The real Lynn's jersey has way more stains than that.'

The virus groaned and rolled its own eyes. It shook its tail lightly, pushing the Lynn - now referred to as Muscle Lynn for the sake of no confusion - to the ground with little effort. It snorted at her like a bull before taking off deeper into the artery.

Muscle Lynn gritted her teeth and slammed her giant fists into the ground. 'DUMB VIRUS ESCAPE LYNN! LYNN WILL FIND VIRUS AND DESTROY!'

Lana blinked. 'Does she always talk like that?'

Linka gave an annoyed nod. 'Yep. Yep, she does. Doesn't know what a pronoun is.'

Muscle Lynn, in the middle of her intense breathing, turned around and spotted our two 'heroines'. They looked familiar, but not quite right; the Lana she knew was never _that_ clean.

'LYNN CONFUSED!' She said, scratching her head. 'LANA AND LENI LOOK WEIRD! LYNN NEED LINKA TO EXPLAIN!'

Lynn's voice was already boy-ish enough, but this was so deep it made Plankton blush. Not a shred of femininity remained.

'Didn't you get Lori's message? Oh, whatever.' Linka said. 'These girls are from the outside world. Our host had a minor lab accident... again.'

Muscle Lynn smiled. 'LYNN UNDERSTAND NOW! LISA NOT ONE FOR LAB SAFETY! OUTSIDE GUYS HERE TO HELP KILL VIRUS!'

'Well...' Linka smiled nervously. 'They'll _try_ to help us kill it.'

There it was again. They would 'kill' the virus. As far as Lana was aware, this was no different from dissecting frogs. It made her so uncomfortable. This virus clearly had a personality and her own thoughts.

Leni stared off into the distance, and put her finger to her chin. 'Um, guys?'

Linka turned to her. 'Yeah, Outside Leni?'

'Shouldn't we, like, chase after that virus?'

Linka facepalmed, hard. 'Of course! Lynn, how about you-?'

Too late. Already the muscular girl had charged off down the tunnel, screaming in rage with her arms in the air as she did so.

'LYNN SMASH VIRUS!'

Linka sighed. 'Come on girls. Let's chase after that destructive menace. And the virus too.'

* * *

'... so that's why we have to take care of her for Lori.'

At this point, Lisa had given up trying to get free, and admitted defeat. She hung there while Luna still held her by her sweater's collar as she was carried into the bedroom. If she had to hear that explanation one more time...

On the bright side, said explanation got Luan to stop her comedy routine for a moment.

'And because of that,' Luna continued. 'She's been actin' weird.'

Luan chuckled. 'Tell me something I don't know!'

Lisa clenched her fists, convinced that she could brawl with someone a decade older than her while in a weakened state.

'No brah, I don't mean Lisa weird.' Luna said. 'It's somethin' else.'

Luan peered at the four-year-old closer, so close that their faces were only a few inches apart. The comedian definitely noticed some odd things: the weary eyes, the scuffier hair, and the overall feeling of drinking too much.

If Lisa could be bothered to lift up her arm, she so would've punched that joker in the... oh, there's that tingly feeling again.

'_WAH-__**CHOOO!**_'

Luan jumped back as a mouthful of saliva and possibly mucus splashed her in the face. Fortunately, her mouth was closed. Luna cringed, and slowly lowered Lisa down to the floor. A small feeling of regret began to surface in her.

Luan just wiped the spittle off her face with a smile. 'Lisa, you gotta cover your mouth. My face is nothing to _sneeze_ at!'

As she burst into her usual giggling, Luna cocked an eyebrow. 'Really dude?'

The giggling stopped. 'Aw, come on. I just got sneezed on! It's _snot_ gonna be my best material. Do you have any _tissues_ with that? If you do, _spit it out_!'

Her barrage of puns came to a stop at the sound of woozy chuckling. They looked down at Lisa, who had a wonky smile to go alongside her wonky glasses.

'Ha, I get it!' She yelled. 'It's a pun! A joke that relies on clever word play! Heh, heh... I like it! I really, really like it.'

Luan gasped. 'Wow, you were right. Lisa _is_ acting really weird.'

'Weird? Ha! Coming from you, Miss Thinks-Puns-Are-Hilarious!'

Luan blinked. 'But-but you just said you... never mind.' She looked back up to Luna. 'If our parents see her acting like this, we are toast.'

To accentuate a joke that otherwise wouldn't be there, she pulled out a piece of toast from the magical land of 'off-screen'.

'_Where_ did you get the toast from?' Luna asked.

'Comedian's secret.' Luan answered with a grin.

Luna and Luan engaged in a conversation about toast or something, and Lisa zoned it out entirely. Talk about bread exposed to radial heat mattered little to her. She glanced around the room; how did she get here again?

It seemed as though she lost her glasses at some point. Oh, wait, no. She was still wearing them; her vision was just beginning to blur.

'Do you just always carry a piece of toast around in case you can tell a joke with it?'

'You gotta be prepared for anything.'

Some of the objects merged together a bit, making them a bit harder to discern. Lisa identified one thing, though: the drum kit.

Next thing she knew, she had sat herself on the kit's seat. She couldn't recall how she got there, but all she cared about were those sticks in her hands.

'YEAAAH!'

Her yell was immediately followed by a cacophony of drumming. To her ears, she created something on the level of the great rock stars who she suddenly cared about. In reality, she missed the drums half the time, and the other half sounded like a dying goat with a broken tuba shoved down its throat being tore apart by a dryer in a cyclone.

'_IS THIS THE REAL LIFE, SWEET CHILD OF MINE?!_' She 'sang', stretching the definition of singing. '_STAY IN A LINE, STAY IN A LINE!_'

Luna gasped, and worked through the butchering of music to swipe the drum-sticks out of Lisa's hands. The latter continued to swing her arms around until she realised the lack of music being played, and then she glared at the interruptor.

'Oi, little lady!' Luna yelled, slipping into her British accent. 'Ged away from me drums!'

'That's a good way to _drum up_ some drama!' Luan said, before laughing. 'Get it?'

With her hands, Lisa beat out the perfect rimshot.

'Of course you play _that_ perfectly...' Luna grumbled. 'That's enough drums for today, luv.'

She picked Lisa up and placed her back on the floor. The prodigy shook her head in a failed attempt to regain her senses.

'Apologises, musical sis.' She said. 'I am not quite sure what over me.'

Luna sighed in relief. Maybe Lisa would stop acting like such a pillock and calm d- she was about to be immediately contradicted, wasn't she?

'Under the influence of this virus-thingy, it seems that I... oh sweet BABY!'

Lisa's glassy eyes widened and sparkled at the sight of her newest source of enjoyment. She hopped off the drum kit's seat, rushed over to the beds and lifted the purple axe into her arms.

The guitar was much too big for her, but regardless she played the sucker like she actually knew what she was doing... which she didn't. A snail could play it better.

'We're gonna party till we're purple!' She yelled. 'I LOOOOVE BEING PUUUUURPLE!'

Luna just watched, her jaw opened all the way. Any anger she should've felt had been replaced with shock, so much shock her body refused to obey her mind.

'_PLAY IT CLOUD! PLAY IT CLOUD! I've got no rhymes for burning the town!_' Lisa... whatever one calls this. '_PLAY IT CLOUD! PLAY IT CROWD!_'

'Would you keep quiet?!' Lori yelled from the other room. 'I'm trying to listen to something very important here!'

Lisa's reign of butchering Luna's original song ended abruptly by one of the strings breaking and whacking her in the forehead.

'D'oh!' She exclaimed as the string made contact. She looked down at the guitar for a few seconds. 'I can _definitely_ fix this, Lucy.'

All Luna could say was a tired 'I'm Luna.' It wasn't the broken string of course; Luna was used to that. It was everything else.

'Noted, dear Lola.'

Luan smiled the kind of smile you make before someone punches you, stepped onto the scene, and gently took the guitar away from her and put it on the top bunk. Lisa reached out for it, and pouted.

'I see that you can _string_ together some... unique songs.' Luan said, before her expression shifted. 'But seriously, please stop touching Luna's instruments.'

'You can't tell me what to do, you _Castor canadensis_!' Lisa yelled. 'Now allow me to use her trumpet!'

Luan crossed her arms, and stood over her in such a way that her shadow covered Lisa's whole body. She adopted her best evil smirk, while Lisa sunk into her little spot with her eyes open wide.

'You know what? Okay, you can keep playing with my sister's instruments.' The comedian said.

'Dude!'

'I was wondering who to get next April Fools. I have the perfect routine in mind, but it's rather unfortunate it only works on one sibling, even if it _is_ a whole neighbourhood worth of pranking.'

Lisa gulped.

'Thanks for saving me the trouble of choosing a victim!'

The toddler stared off into space, her exterior showing very little of the fear that took place in her mind. Memories were strong in her mind: hiding in her bunker from a storm of diapers, being trapped with a fake cricket, her stunt double embarrassment...

'I shall refrain from playing any and all implements.' She said.

'Oh? Well, in that case, I could change my plans.'

Luna finally broke out of her minor culture shock.

'Wow. That was impressive, dude.' She said. 'Are you... really going to do something like that next year?'

Luan gave her a grin. 'It's just a little test. Keep your fog machines away from Mr Coconuts and I might spare you.'

* * *

The arteries of the arm weren't very interesting, relatively speaking. They were mostly just tunnels filled with flying red discuses. Perhaps interesting at first, but not so much after a while.

But when the outsiders plus Linka chased Muscle Lynn down, they were greeted with something very, very different when they reached the middle between the shoulders right under the neck.

The place was like a big room, with the tunnel giving way to walls of flesh. In the middle was a muscly pillar that pierced the floor and ceiling. Wires of assorted colours ran through the floor, and into other tunnels that met at the room.

Each tunnel had an arrowed-shape sign, each labelled with a different part of the body - stomach, bladder, legs, the like - while the sign for the heart and lungs lay on the floor.

'This wasn't in the biology books.' Leni remarked.

'This, girls, is what we call the main room.' Linka explained. 'This is where we-'

'ATTEEEN-SHUN!'

The four of them were alerted to a presence in the room who had been standing behind the muscle pillar. She emerged into their view, revealing her identity of Lori. She was dressed head to toe like a drill sergeant, and had the posture of one too.

'So that's... _Lisa's_ version of Lori?' Leni asked.

Linka nodded. 'Yep.'

She smiled. 'Okay, I get it now.' She pointed at Lana. 'And she's Lisa's version of _Lana_!'

Lana rolled her eyes. 'I'm the _real_ Lana.'

'Oh, right.'

Sergeant Lori, as she shall be known, narrowed her eyes at the two intruders. _That_ Leni seemed way too smart to be theirs. Not minding them, she blew her whistle, sending out an ear-piercing tone through not just the room but the tunnels as well.

'All available workers! Get in line this instant!' She pointed her baton at the two intruders. 'You two, stay and watch!'

Leni and Lana stood in place while Linka and Muscle Lynn obeyed her orders. They lined up and stood up straight and still.

Muscle Lynn clenched her fists and scowled. 'WHY LYNN NEED OBEY LORI?! LYNN AWESOME ENOUGH ON LYNN'S OWN!'

'I can hear you!' Sergeant Lori yelled. 'You shout everything you say!'

Muscle Lynn's face turned red bright, and scowled so tight it was a miracle none of her teeth shattered. Linka facepalmed to hide her shaky bones - bones that would shake if she had any.

From the tunnel to the legs, Lisa's version of Luan emerged. She rode on a unicycle, and clown make-up covered her face to match her clown clothes. She smiled big enough to show all of her bright white teeth.

'Get ready for Luan-igans!' Clown Luan yelled. 'GET IT?!'

Sergeant Lori growled. 'Get in line, solider! And wipe that stupid smile off your face!'

Clown Luan rode her unicycle and took her place next to Linka. The white-haired girl looked up to her stupid smile, and groaned.

'Hey Linka. Hey Linka. Hey Linka. Hey Linka. Hey Linka.' Clown Luan said, poking her head each time.

'Ugh, what?'

'GET IT?!'

The obnoxious laughter that would put SpongeBob to shame made Muscle Lynn pound the floor in utter rage.

'SHUT UP!' Both her and Sergeant Lori shouted as loud as they could.

The laughter didn't stop.

Lana had her ears covered tight. 'Yeah, this is about right.'

Leni, meanwhile, was laughing too. 'How does she come up with such great stuff?'

Sergeant Lori scanned the room. No one else had arrived. She focused her attention on one of the room's corners, which seemed much darker compared to the others.

'This includes you too, Lucy! GET IN LINE!'

A glowing smile full of fanged teeth appeared in the darkness. It vanished within seconds, before the darkness itself faded away.

'I swear to god Lucy, if you pop out behind me one more time I am dropping you off at the bladder!'

With a sigh, she turned back to her line-up. She paced back and forth, hiding her anger at the lack of responders.

'So ladies, we all know about the virus, correct?'

The ones lined up nodded.

'Good! Due to its apparent diet of oxygen-rich blood, it has been absolutely screwing with our host! Just a moment ago she was singing off-key while shredding her sister's guitar in more ways than one!'

'Oh com'on Lori, let her play. HAHAHA! GET IT?'

'LUAN, I MEANT THAT BLADDER THREAT! Reports from Luna tell me that the virus currently resides in the lungs. Ladies, bring along those intruders and GO GO GO!'

She pointed her baton down the tunnel labelled 'Heart and Lungs'. With no talk-backs, her 'soldiers' rushed to the tunnel. Linka stopped, and turned around.

'Come on!' She said to the intruders. 'You gotta come with us, or our Lori will murder you.'

'You two are invaders as is!' Sergeant Lori shouted. 'Don't make me summon those white blood cells! They will mess you up.'

Due to a lack of any other options - and the desire to not be killed - Leni and Lana obeyed their new leader and followed the others.

* * *

Lisa wanted an explanation for her behaviour. Not quite gone yet, she noticed herself acting very off. If she had any control, she would stop it immediately. Alas, the only control she had was what her mind was trying to tell her. Her body responded with an adamant 'nope'.

She felt a small pain in her chest, and she managed to pin point its location of one of her lungs. Her lightheadedness grew worse. No doubt that infectious creature was chomping down on some rich oxygen.

_It's that virus._ She thought. _With it consuming blood cells intended to carry oxygen to other parts of my body, it's doing a number on me. I have to... where am I again? I can't do anything with this beaver watching over me. How do I-?_

Her eyes widened and sparkled. Amongst the increasing blurriness of her surroundings, she saw someone resting on the bed's pillow. And... boy was he _handsome_. She stood up, and waltzed over to him. Getting close and personal with him, she batted her eyelids and grinned. Luan, on the other hand, jumped back. She just witnessed her little sister getting uncomfortably close to her puppet.

Nothing could've prepared her for what happened next.

'Hello there, baby!' Lisa slurred. 'Where have you been all my life?' She leaned in closer. 'How about ya let _me_ stick _my_ hand up your-?'

Luan gasped, and swooped in to take Mr Coconuts away before the scientist finished her pick-up line.

'Dude, what the heck?!' Luna yelled, more out of bewilderment than anger.

'What has gotten into you?' Luan asked. 'I don't even know what joke to make about this!'

Lisa sat there and pondered the question for a bit. It was pretty good question. Flirting with hand puppets wasn't exactly something she'd expect herself to do.

Oh sweet Pythagorus, what was happening to her? Her hormones told her to feel scared, but she felt nothing beyond giddiness.

'Hey tuts, what do ya think ya doing?' Mr Coconuts 'said', glaring at Luan. 'The lady and I were just about to hit it off.'

Luan gasped dramatically. 'Mr Coconuts! That lady _is my little sister._'

Luna walked past her, and picked up Lisa by her sweater again. This time, however, she turned her around so they were eye-to-eye.

'Alright, that's it.' She said. 'I've had enough.'

'What?!' Lisa cried. 'You can't get rid of me. What did I do?'

Both glanced over to the fourteen-year-old girl currently arguing with her puppet.

'Where do I even begin? I'll just have to find someone else to take you.'

As if on cue, the door opened. Standing just outside was Lynn, who had a mildly annoyed look to her.

'Can you keep it down?' She asked. 'Lucy's _experiencing_ what it's like to be buried alive again, and if she doesn't get some quiet her bats will bite me.'

Luna, happy for the good timing, walked over to Lynn and threw Lisa at her. The sporty girl caught her no problem.

'Uh... this isn't what I-' She began.

'She's your problem now.' Luna said, before closing the door on her.

**Author Notes - Oh god... the sister I was the most nervous to write, if it wasn't Lisa's thesaurus speak, was Luan and her puns. That's why her first joke was immediately stated to not be the best. I ended up really having the time of my life while writing her.**

**Though I want this to be different from the _SBSP_ episode it's based on, I will be taking some jokes from said episode and playing with them. ****For instance, the 'hello there baby' joke is based on the scene where Karen flirts with the Krusty Krab cash register. Yes, really. I just decided to go a step further and possibly traumatise my readers.**

**The 'how Lisa sees her family' thing also comes from the episode, where we saw Karen's versions of the Krusty Krew. I just expanded on it, because the very concept of it greatly interests me. ****The basis is simple - unflattering caricatures. Hence why Muscle Lynn speaks like the Hulk. As for why Lisa's version of Lincoln is a girl, you can draw your own conclusions.**

**You may have noticed most of said counterparts are abusing the exclamation mark. This is intentional.**

**The butchering of 'Staying Alive' to 'stay in a line' was, however, inspired by something I sang in primary school. I don't recall why, but we had to remain in a line. Being the teacher's pet I was, I encouraged correct behaviour by singing 'stay in a line' to the tune of 'Staying Alive'. I am such a dork.**

**The joke with Lisa acting 'weird' won't get old, will it?**


	3. Give It Your Heart

**Author Notes - You may have understood why I chose Lana for this mission by now. Since she's an animal person, she'd be the one most likely to see the virus as a living being who just needs food, as opposed to the others who want it dead so Lisa can be well again.**

**Not to say that Lana cares more about this virus than her little sister, of course. I don't think she's like that. As an animal person, I dislike the stereotype of 'they care more for cats than their own kin'.**

**In this chapter, we'll see a couple more of Lisa's counterparts of her siblings. Will we see her versions of Leni and Lana? Of course we will. Think I would waste an opportunity like that? Just not now.**

**CHAPTER THREE - GIVE IT YOUR HEART**

An elevator had been taken down the trachea, that was just a little bit cramped for the five of them. Not helping was Muscle Lynn's shouting and Clown Luan's constant laughing, and the audio assault was just about to get worse.

'Each of us are typically relegated to taking care of one part of Lisa.' Linka explained to the intruders. 'Our Lucy tends to the nervous system, Lynn works on the muscles, Luan on the circulatory system-'

'You mean the CIRCUS-latory system? GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET I-?'

'LYNN GETS IT! LUAN SHUT UP NOW OR LUAN GETS SMASHED!'

'That'd be a SMASHING good time! GET IT GET IT GET IT GET I-?'

'How about we all just shut up for a moment?'

Once the elevator reached its destination and opened up, Leni and Lana were greeted with yet another amazing sight. The lung was like a big empty room, with tons of clear pipes going in and out. Grey and withered blood cells came in, and went out fresh and red.

The virus rested on the lowest pipe, not devouring those red blood cells until nothing was left but instead curled up, coverings its ears with its tail. The reason became clear, and made Leni and Lana cover their ears too.

'**COME ON DUDE!**' A british voice screamed so loudly it made Muscle Lynn seem quiet. '**THESE LUNGS ARE **_**MY**_ **TERRITORY!** **YOU'LL GET ME TROUBLE WITH LORI!**'

A blaring guitar solo accompanied her every word, which was enough to give even deaf people severe tinnitus. You won't be surprised to know it came from Screaming Luna, who stood in the middle of the floor looking up at the dragon. Out of all of the counterparts so far, Screaming Luna looked the most like the real sister. This one was merely covered in stereotypical rocker get-up. And her voice had been cranked up by a few thousand decibels, and had a thick yet unidentifiable British accent.

'**YOU BETTER GET DOWN HERE, MATE! ME AXE HERE WILL SET YOU STRAIGHT!**'

Even from listening to the speakers, Outside Lori searched in desperation for the button to lower the volume. The rest of the inside workers, who all had to cover their ears too, smiled at the sight of the virus incapacitated.

'Good job Luna!' Linka said. 'Now we just gotta reach it.'

'LYNN SMASH VIRUS! LYNN SAVE LISA!'

'This'll go _viral_! GET IT GET IT GE-?'

Sergeant Lori's voice called over a speaker: 'Luan, I'm going to drag you through hell once this is over!'

Both Leni and Lana stopped to think about the situation, in two different ways, while the others gathered around the virus thinking up a way to get to it.

Leni noticed something about all these counterparts: except for Shadow Lucy and Linka, they were LOUD. Like, louder than normal loud. Considering the whole 'how Lisa sees them' thing, it made the ditzy fashionista think; were they really _that_ loud to their little scientist sister?

Lana's thoughts were more on the virus. The dragon wasn't just annoyed by Screaming Luna's extreme volume levels; she was in pain.

'So, I guess they didn't need us after all.' Leni said. 'Oh well! At least they have the situation under control now. Lisa's gonna be fine in no time! Isn't that great, Lana?'

Screaming Luna threw her guitar up to the virus, which not only missed its intended target but hit Muscle Lynn in the face.

'**OI, DON'T SIT UP THERE SO HIGH! IT'LL BE SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU DIE!**'

'VIRUS GOT LYNN'S FACE ALL HURTY! VIRUS MUST PAY!'

A shadowy blob emerged from the floor behind them, and from it a glowing smile could be seen and laughing could be heard.

'_Finally_.' Shadow Lucy whispered. '_This virus shall die_.'

'AH, Lucy!' Linka yelled. 'Don't do that!'

Amongst all the shouting and yelling, Lana could've sworn she heard the virus whimpering.

'Lana?'

She didn't notice, but she stared off into space, battling her inner thoughts.

She cared about her little sister. Of course she did; they _all_ did. No one wanted any member of their family to suffer, and they certainly didn't want to think about the worst case scenario.

But... that virus was terrified. Maybe she had a bit of an attitude, but what was wrong with eating to survive?

'_I'll bring the virus down. Then we can kill it._ _Then we can drink its sweet, sweet blood_.'

'LYNN READY TO SMASH VIRUS!'

She tried to focus on Lisa, on making _her_ feel better again. But she couldn't. Not at that moment.

'Virus!' She called. 'You gotta get outta here, _now_!'

Somehow, her cry wasn't merely buried among the yelling. Somehow, it made its way through the crowd of noise, and reached the virus's ears. Its head shot up, and its eyes fell on her.

'It isn't safe here! RUN!'

It uncoiled its body, and raised its head up with a roar as if it were a heroic lion. Just one problem - in the process of doing so, its head tore straight through one of the pipes and left a sizeable hole.

The withered blood cells passing through the pipe fell out, drifting downwards aimlessly until they dissipated into nothingness.

It earned her dirty glares from just about everyone there, except for Leni who just stared at the damage in shock. Before anyone could yell at her, the virus took the air and swooped down towards her.

'LANA!'

Next thing the young plumber knew, she sat on the virus's neck just behind the head. Its skin felt surprisingly smooth, and akin to plastic containers used to store food.

Lana looked down; Leni didn't seem too far away. It was like being on a horse and looking down at your supporting parents, except it was a dragon and a worried older sister.

'Sweet.' Lana muttered, grinning.

However, it dawned on her that she had no more steps to her plan. She liberates her new friend; then what?

'STUPID INVADER RUIN PLAN!' Muscle Lynn yelled, snapping her out of her thoughts. 'VIRUS MUST BE SMASHED!'

'Wait, Lynn!' Linka said. 'Stop!'

The virus cried out in pain as Muscle Lynn clamped her gigantic arms over its tail. Linka hopped onto it, and tried to vain to pry her off.

'Stop it!' Leni cried. 'You're hurting it!'

The moment Leni got remotely close to her, Muscle Lynn kicked her in the chest and brought her down to the floor.

Lana heard - and felt - a growl coming from her new friend. In mere moments, the virus lost it completely.

* * *

This wasn't quite what Lynn had in mind. The way her toddler sister looked at her with those weary eyes felt wrong on so many levels.

'You got some nice arms there, Lyyyyynny.'

On the bright side, things in that room were definitely more quiet now. She reached for the door...

'YOU WERE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'

'Dude, really? Of all of the movies you could reference?'

'I just watched my little sister flirt with Mr Coconuts! Do you expect me to come up with grade-A material?'

That little conversation gave Lynn so many questions she did not ever want answered. What, why, how, _what_? Didn't matter. She had something on her hands now, quite literally.

Or perhaps not-so-literally, since the four-year-old had vanished, not just from her hands but the entire hallway.

She shrugged. 'That takes care of that problem.'

With that, and with her task of quieting things for her freaky room-mate accomplished, she returned to her room...

Only to be greeted with the sounds of rattling. Her attention fell on the coffin on her room-mate's bed, which shook about like crazy as if there was a monster inside trying desperately to get out.

'Uh, Luce... are you okay?'

Considering just who was in that coffin, anything could've been in there with her. Lynn reached for a hockey stick, and held it close.

The coffin opened... and all of Lynn's dread vanished. Lucy, her face as blank as usual, rose from the coffin, and lifted her arm to reveal that she had grabbed Lisa by the sweater.

The four-year-old had her arms crossed, and a pouty look on her face. Without saying a word, Lucy opened her hand and let Lisa plummet to the floor.

'Oof! What was that for?'

Lucy craned her neck around to look at her. 'Anyone caught defiling my grave shall be punished. You have been warned. Do not let me catch you doing this again.'

Without another word, she lay back down and slammed the lid shut. It left Lynn alone with the groggy toddler, who stared at her like she was a pariah of some sort.

Lynn crossed her arms. 'Okay Lis, what's going on? Inhaled too many fumes again?'

'I dunno anymore.' Lisa said. 'I bet Miss Princess's tea had somethin' to do with it.'

'Uh, riiight.'

Oh yeah, way too many fumes.

Luna may have given her no explanation beyond 'she is your problem now', but Lynn got it. Her little sister had something very wrong with her today. Whatever it was, was beyond the point.

'Luna and Luan couldn't handle you, but now you're dealing with _me_.' She said with a determined grin. 'I can handle ya.'

Lisa chuckled. 'Ya really think that? I'm smarter-er than... than, uh... the rest of you four combined! ... There's four of you, right?'

Something about her inability to even count correctly made Lynn laugh. After all those times Lisa insulted her intelligence, it was almost beautiful.

Lynn got down on the floor like she was getting ready for push-ups, making sure that look of determination was right in Lisa's face. Up that close, the exhausted eyes and drooling mouth became clear.

'You can't even count to ten anymore.' Lynn said. 'What makes you think that you could-?'

'_YAH-__**CHFFFFT!**_'

Lynn jumped up from the floor with the force of a punch. The very sensation of her tongue splashing in that fluid that wasn't hers nearly made her gag.

'Ugh, Lisa?!' She said, before spitting out most of the saliva. 'What the heck?!'

She spat a few more times to make sure she got all of it out, and turned around to see that Lisa had made it onto her bed. The toddler stood in a battle stance, holding a vial of a steaming green liquid.

'I'll have ya know, Miss Sportsy, that brainz always beats brawl.' She said, slurring her words even more than before. 'Your big arms are nuthin' for my chemicals.'

Lynn didn't even bother to question where she was keeping that vial. 'Pffft! Do you really think I'm gonna be scared of _you_?'

Lisa tossed the vial, and as Lynn expected it barely even made it half way. The liquid inside splashed as the vial made contact with the floor, and it bubbled like lava. Before Lynn could gloat, however, the fluid began to seep into the carpet.

In moments, the green liquid sunk into the floor and fell through to the lower storey, leaving a small but very noticeable hole.

Lynn's smirk faded. 'Oh, okay then. You're packing _acid_.'

Somehow, Lisa got her hands on another viral of bubbling green liquid, and tossed it like it was a grenade. Lynn jumped back as it splashed at her feet; she got out of the way in time, but it formed another hole.

'When Mom and Dad find out about this, you are _so_ paying for it yourself.'

'I WILL PAY NOTHING!'

Believing that was a good battle cry, Lisa threw another vial, and another, and another. At this point, Lynn was convinced she was pulling them out of thin air, and while she dodged each successfully, they were getting closer each time.

'Where are you getting those from?!'

'Of course someone like you with the intelligence of a brick would ask a question like that!'

She threw yet another one, except this time the fluid inside was purple. Lynn jumped to the side, avoiding the vial with ease...

But the mysterious chemical inside had quite the splash to it.

'AAAAHHHH!'

* * *

What Lori had heard over the microphone already was enough to give her several questions. What was this about 'how Lisa saw her siblings' and 'seeing Lincoln as a girl' or 'Lori herself being a drill sergeant'?

Seriously, hearing her own voice coming through was literally the weirdest feeling ever.

What she just heard though, was something else. Once she recovered from Inside Luna's screaming, she heard a collection of yells and shouts of panic, that quickly diminished until only half of the people there could be heard.

'Leni? Leni?! Respond to me, please!'

To her relief, the ditzy sister spoke up.

'Oh, wait, this is _Outside_ Lori talking, right?'

She sighed. 'Yes Leni, it's your real sister. What just happened?! I heard a lot of screaming! Are you alright? What about Lana?'

'Me? Oh yeah. I am totes fine! Lana, though... I'm not sure.'

Not sure? _Not sure_? How could she not be sure? Either Lana was alright, or she wasn't. What was there to be 'not sure' about?

'What do you mean, you're not sure? What happened to her?'

She cursed the fact that Lisa could install a self-implanting microphone for verbal communication, but apparently no cameras of any kind.

'The virus carried her and some of the others off. I don't know where they are.'

It made sense now, but it didn't calm her down. If anything, Lori's fears grew worse. If Leni knew that Lana was hurt, that would be one thing, but not having any clue at all?

'No need to get _carried_ away! GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET IT GET I-'

'**WOULD YA STOP WITH THE BLEEDING PUNS?! YOU'RE NOT MAKING THIS FUN!**'

Good grief. And she thought her younger sisters were annoying enough. Lori could hear the sound of an elevator in the background, and who else could've exited from it but...

'Alright ladies!' Sergeant Lori yelled as she stepped out of the elevator. 'Someone here has to explain what the hell just happened!'

Outside Lori would've stayed to listen longer, if it wasn't for Lynn's cry of pain from down the hall.

* * *

It took a few seconds for Lana to shake off the dazed sensation, after she had been thrown off her ride and to the floor. That virus could travel through that bloodstream fast; so fast that she had no time to take in her surroundings.

Now that everything had come to an abrupt stop, she could finally find out where she was. Running water akin to a calm river could be heard. Then she noticed the aroma, one she was very used to - the great scent of urine. Already, this place piqued her interest.

Looking around, it seemed like she was in a relatively clean sewer. Aside from the fleshy walls, the only difference was that instead of dirty water, a yellow liquid emanating a little heat flowed through.

It didn't take a genius to know that warm yellow fluid was urine.

'Looks like we got dropped off at the large intestine. Lana, are you okay?'

The voice of a boy doing falsetto could belong only to one person. Sure enough, Linka approached her and helped her off the ground.

'Yeah, I'm fine. Just look at all that pee!'

Linka raised an eyebrow. Surely the outside people hated the mere smell of urine alone. Then she remembered who she was talking to.

'Just give me a few minutes...' Lana said.

She took one step towards the yellow river, and Linka grabbed her by the shirt.

'Aw come on!' She whined. 'My parents never let me go to that sewerage plant, and this is closest I'm gonna get for years!'

'You can play in your sister's urine later.' Linka blinked, as she processed what she just said. 'Wow. Never thought I'd put those words together. Never mind that! I may be willing to forgive what you did, but I don't think-'

'OUTSIDE LANA RUIN PLAN! NOW LYNN LOST!'

Linka cringed; she knew this was coming, but it still took her by surprise. Muscle Lynn stood behind them, giving them a death glare, crossing her arms, and was soaked with urine. She didn't care about that though, and focused her attention on the six-year-old.

Linka stood between them. 'Lynn, we can sort this out. There's no need to-'

'LINKA WRONG! LANA MADE VIRUS RUN! LANA CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT VIRUS! LANA MUST PAY!'

Lana winced; the big muscular arms backed up that threat perfectly. No way in heck would the young child win. But those words brought her blood to a boil.

'That virus is a living being!' She yelled. 'She can think, she can feel. Why can't you see that?!'

'LYNN CARE ABOUT LISA! LANA NOT CARE ABOUT OWN SISTER?'

'Of course I care about Lisa! I want her to be safe as much as you do. I just think there's gotta be a better way.'

'WHAT BETTER WAY? LISA GONNA DIE, AND ALL LANA'S FAULT!'

'Would you two quit it?!'

Linka's shout shut them both up. They turned to her and her red face full of frustration.

'I don't care whose fault it was.' She said. 'Whether she's our host or our sister, Lisa needs our help. _And_, I know for a fact that arguing won't get us any closer to helping her. For now, let's put our fighting aside, and figure out how to get back to the rest of our group. Okay?'

She held her hand out flat into the middle of the trio. Without hesitation, Lana put her hand on top. They looked at Muscle Lynn, who grumbled but still put her ripped hand on theirs. The feeling of the warm fluid falling into her hand made Lana smile.

'Awesome.' Linka said, before everyone retracted their arm. 'Now that we've got that sorted, let's get out of here before we incur the wrath of-'

Before she could finish, yet another voice echoed through the tunnel.

'You thought I couldn't hear you, didn't ya? I hear everything that goes on in my kingdom. Especially you, Lynn! Intruders, come to me **at once**.'

Linka and Muscle Lynn shuddered, their pupils shrinking to tiny dots. Lana knew that voice immediately, but asked anyway.

'Who was that?'

Linka gulped. 'Q-Queen Lola...'

* * *

'I don't CARE whose fault it was!' Sergeant Lori yelled, slamming her baton on the floor. 'Do any of you know just which pipe that virus destroyed?'

Those still left in the room looked up to the broken pipe and the withered blood cells vanishing from it. They stood in a line, with the exception of Leni who was allowed to stand behind their leader. All were apprehensive, other than Clown Luan. That joker couldn't stop grinning.

Everyone - except Leni, understandably - knew the answer to Sergeant Lori's question, but they were too terrified to say anything.

'No one? Come now ladies, give me the answer!'

A shadow grew at the end of the line, revealing Shadow Lucy's glowing toothy frown.

'_We all know what it was._' She muttered. '_It was the pipe connecting to Lisa's brain. That means less blood is going to her brain._'

Sergeant Lori smirked. 'Thank you Lucy. At least one of you answered!'

'That's what you call using your _brain_! GE-'

'Shut your trap, Luan!'

She commenced her pacing again, a surefire sign she was about to launch into another tirade.

'How about that, ladies? We tried to save our host, and in the process you just made the problem ten times worse. Though the brain pipe in the other lung is working, this still means our host now has only half the usual blood going to the brain.'

'Aw com'on Lori, half a heart!'

'I SAID SHUT YOUR TRAP! Because of this, she'll be acting even more wonky now. I hope you realise what you've done.'

Screaming Luna stepped forward. '**OI DUDE, DON'T BLAME IT ON US! IT WAS THAT SIX-YEAR-OLD WHO CAUSED SUCH A FUSS!**'

'Like I said, I do not care whose fault it was. You failed, and now have to fix it.'

Her soldiers groaned. Leni approached the drill sergeant with a genuine smile and a wave.

Sergeant Lori rolled her eyes. 'What is it, Outside Leni?'

'Can I help? I see that everyone's a little stressed, and I totes wanna help out.'

Part of Sergeant Lori wanted to scream in her face and send her down to Queen Lola. She couldn't quite bring herself to do it; she knew that Leni genuinely wanted to help.

'Sorry, but I believe that you and your sister have done quite enough.'

Leni frowned, but accepted the answer; if Lisa's version of Lori said it, it had to be true. The frustrated leader turned around and began to ascend up a flight of spiralling stairs, which lead to a door.

Leni had to wonder; where was she going? Only one way to find out.

While the 'soldiers' began to bicker and yell at each other, Shadow Lucy vanished.

* * *

'Oh good lord Lynn, what happened?!'

'You see, I was-'

'Oh, forget it. You literally have third-degree burns!'

'I know! I kinda like it. But I think these are more _second_-degree burns.'

'Alright. You're coming with me to the bathroom.'

**Author Notes - Truth be told, I did not initially intend for there to be this many subplots to jump between. It just kinda happened. I like it.**

**When it comes to Lisa's versions of her siblings, I tried to make them interesting. I really like how most of them turned out, like Sergeant Lori, Muscle Lynn, Linka, and the inevitable counterparts of Lana and Leni. Others, like Clown Luan and Screaming Luna, I struggled with and they didn't turn out the best.**

**I managed to get more out of Screaming Luna by having her lines of dialogue rhyme, as a reference to Luna's song writing. I went from not wanting to write her much to wanting way more of her.**

**By the way, can you tell that Lynn is my least favourite sister? She got much better after 'Net Gains' and 'Middle Men', but she's having trouble recovering from 'No Such Luck' and 'Lynn-er Takes All'. The latter was actually alright, but still.**


	4. Split Like Cells

**Author Notes - I didn't realise I would have to split this part up into two chapters. I like a little mitosis.**

**Get it? C-Cos... cells? Splitting? Mitosis! It-it's funny. I'll shut up now.**

**Wait, no, I won't, because I have to yell at myself for never updating this story for six months because I had other stuff I wanted to work on. Especially considering that ALL CHAPTERS except for the final one are finished and just need to be proofread, so I'm just being a procrastinating twit.**

**Well, no more! Provided I can trust myself to do so, the next few chapters will come out very quickly to make up for the sheer time lost. If everyone has already left, I do not blame you.**

**No Leni or Lana today though, but we will get a Lily. You thought I forgot about her, didn't you?**

**CHAPTER FOUR - SPLIT LIKE CELLS**

_*knock knock knock*_

Ignore the knocking. That's bound to happen. Curious kids banging on the wood happened sometimes.

_*knock knock knock*_

The annoyance would soon stop by herself, or be stopped by otherworldly beings.

_*knock knock knock*_

Being actually dead had its perks, namely that one didn't have to put up with this crud.

_*knock knock knock*_

'Come on Emo Girl, get out and talk ta me!'

Dang it.

Lucy pried the lid of her coffin open, cringing as she entered the light. She sat up to see Lisa looking at her with the kind of eyes no young child should be using to look at anyone. Especially her own sister.

'First, I'm a goth, not an emo. Learn the difference. Second, stop disturbing my burial ground.'

She lay back down, praying that was it, and closed the lid. In moments she realised it wouldn't close all the way. Lisa stopped it by just a few centimetres, and flung it all the way open all by herself.

'Is that really a way to spend your life?' She said, looking even more out of it now.

'You don't spend your _life_ in a grave. That's the point.'

'Oh right. Ya know, I coulda swore I used ta know that. Now I think I've lost, like, half the blood in my brain or something.'

_Like_. Now she was talking like Leni. The situation was getting grim fast, and not even the good kind of grim.

'What are you even doing here?' Lucy asked, her usual dry tone hiding her annoyance.

Lisa shrugged. 'I dunno. First I was in my room, then I ended up sharing a place with this really handsome guy, and now I'm here.'

If her hair didn't hide her eyes, you would've seen Lucy blink in surprise a few times. She made a mental note to ask Great Grandma Harriet about this later.

'Can you leave my burial ground, please?'

'That shooows what you knooow. This is a bedroom... I-I think.'

What was Lucy doing? The dead do not communicate with the living for such meaningless conversations. As quickly as possible, she slammed that lid down.

Darkness enveloped her once again. Sweet, sweet pitch-black silence.

_*knock knock knock*_

Sigh. This wasn't going to end, was it?

* * *

Everyone in the Loud household knew how scary Lola could be when she was angry, which happened a lot. Sit on her tiara, and boom; she's selling all your stuff.

But judging by how even Muscle Lynn had been reduced to a shaky leaf as the group wandered through the intestine sewer, it was clear to Lana that 'Queen Lola' would somehow be even worse.

Linka turned her shuddering head around to face Lana. She'd sweat if the counterparts were capable of such a thing, and her teeth even clattered a bit.

She gulped again. 'S-So, Queen Lola is, uh, kinda scary.'

'Yeah, I got that.' Lana said.

'Oh, you don't understand. If you think your version of her is bad enough, you have another think coming.'

Muscle Lynn then joined in, doing something she almost never did; speak with an indoor voice.

'Lynn fear Lola. Lola is demon. Lola once tear Lynn's arm off. Arm grew back, but still hurt. Hurt a lot.'

'There's a reason we banished her to the intestines and convinced her they were her kingdom. We _had_ Lisa's version of Clyde here once, but Queen Lola hated the idea of having a boy in here, and... let's just say he got _flushed_ out.'

_Now _Lana was shuddering with them, though not nearly as much. She could put up with her twin well, so it couldn't be _that_ bad. Right?

'And there was that time our Lori gave her an order to clean out the kidneys, and she responded by setting fire to-'

'I CAN HEAR YOU!'

The shout got Linka and Muscle Lynn to shut up _and_ tense up.

'In fact, I can SEE you!'

The trio apparently had gotten so caught up talking, they didn't realise they had entered a fair-sized empty block in the sewer-like tunnels. And there she stood, or sat rather.

Queen Lola sat on a throne on top of a staircase, both made of gold far too shiny and clean to be part of a place so icky. The odour of urine had been replaced with the scent of expensive perfumes that made Lana gag.

Queen Lola herself wore an impressive crown twice her size, which was covered in precious gems of all colours. Her pink gown was twice as long, and covered in blinding sparkles. Her face had been completely done up, comparative to magazine models.

Linka and Muscle Lynn had once again been reduced to shaking like jelly in an earthquake.

'So what have we here?' Queen Lola said with a devilish smirk. 'A couple of INTRUDERS!'

Then the 'intruders' did something that Lana did not expect; they huddled together. Not in that sense! Get your head out of the gutter.

'L-Listen Queen Lola,' Linka stammered. 'W-We can explain.'

'Don't try that with me, Linkie! You know that explanations mean nothing. You intruded into my kingdom, and now you must pay!'

Lana couldn't help but wonder; why was Queen Lola's kingdom in the urine-filled _sewers_? That was followed by a better question; why didn't _Lana_ have her own sewer?

'W-W-What Lola do to Lynn?'

'Hmm, it's hard to come up with anything. Where do I go from ripping your arm off?'

Muscle Lynn grew more tense, squeezing the daylights out of Linka in the process. If the counterparts needed oxygen, Linka would've turned blue.

'There just isn't enough ways in my kingdom to properly punish...'

Her voice trailed off. Something caught her eye; a certain someone standing by her latest victims. She was about ready to fly into a murderous rage upon seeing _her_ invading, until she looked closer. Judging by how clean the overalls were in comparison...

Then she remembered Sergeant Lori's announcements.

'Don't think I don't see you there, Outside Lana! Could one of you two please hand her over to me?'

Without a moment of hesitation, Muscle Lynn grabbed Lana, and tossed her at the foot of the golden stairs. After getting her bearings, the young plumber glared back at her.

'Gee, thanks.'

'Lynn sorry. Lynn want to live.'

There was something about Queen Lola that made her have a 'regal' vibe to her. Maybe it was the twinkling dress, or the overwhelming perfume. Or maybe it was that domineering smile.

'Well, well, well. What do we have _here_?' The queen said. 'It's the same little girl who sent that disgusting virus rampaging through my beautiful kingdom!'

Her face turned bright red and steam poured out from her ears as she leaned forward. Linka looked around the intestines, wondering what damage she was talking about.

'Do you know what you've done?! Now my kingdom is in ruins, thanks to you and your stupid attachment to that stupid virus!'

Lana agreed with her on one thing: her 'kingdom' was very beautiful. She could not agree, however, with her stance on the creature they were hunting down.

'Hey, it's not my fault you and your friends want to kill her!' Lana yelled. 'That virus is awesome, and I know she's hurting Lisa, but there's got to be a better way besides killing her!'

Queen Lola gasped, and narrowed her eyes. 'You care more about that pest than my beautiful kingdom? **How DARE you?**'

'Your _kingdom_? Do you even care about _Lisa_ at all?'

'Forget about our arrogant host. What about my kingdom that you ruined?!'

Lana found herself lost for words. As least the others, even if they wanted the virus dead, wanted her dead for the sake of their host. Yeah, the real Lola was no angel, but Lana knew better than anyone that she **did** care about her family.

Did Lisa really see Lola as being _this_ bad?

'Is your kingdom really all you care about? Lisa is our sister!'

'Correction - she's _your_ sister. She has no relation to me. And why should she? You think I wanna be associated with someone so obnoxious and up-her-own-butt about her intelligence when she knows less social skills than a br-'

'Without her, you wouldn't have a kingdom!'

Queen Lola stopped her rant dead. It made Lana grin; those who couldn't be convinced by appealing to compassion could be convinced by stroking their ego.

Linka and Muscle Lynn weren't impressed though. On the contrary, they were shaking in place even more than before.

The rage in Queen Lola's face did not go away. It only got worse. So much worse.

'_**EXCUSE ME?!**_'

And with that, a feeling of dread said 'hello' to Lana with a punch to the face.

'You do _not_ \- I repeat, do _NOT_ \- interrupt your queen! For that, you are BANISHED to the BLADDER! Lynn sweetie, take her there at once, lest you lose _both_ your arms.'

Muscle Lynn did nothing; paralysis due to pure fear will do that do you. Lana, though, smiled wide. Never had a punishment sounded so good. Being sent to the place where the greatest of the body excretions were stored... _awesome_.

'Yes!' She muttered, fist-pumping the air.

Queen Lola cocked an eyebrow. Then came the realisation. What was she thinking? Why would the real version of the redneck hate _that_ punishment?

She smirked. 'Oh, so you like swimming in poop, huh? Well, in that case, you are banished FROM the bladder instead!'

Lana's smile vanished. 'What? Oh come on, that's not fair!'

'I don't do fair, sweetie. Now get out of my face now, before-'

She gasped, and her eyes widened. Looking around her wonderful kingdom, the words from before sunk in.

'Without our host, I won't have my beautiful kingdom? Of course! When she dies my kingdom vanishes. I can't have that!'

She took her massive crown off, and stomped down the shiny stairs, somehow not tripping over her long dress. She stood up straight, and though Linka and Muscle Lynn were looking down on her now they still looked terrified.

'Alright. I'm not letting that gross virus destroy my domain.' She said. 'You shall be punished for your intrusion later. For now, we must team-up and take that virus down!'

Lana rolled her eyes, but gave a smile. Part of her was peeved that the 'queen' only joined for her own selfish purposes, but the rest of her figured it was better than nothing.

'But wait a minute.' Linka said, trying and failing to escape Muscle Lynn's grasp. 'Where is that virus? We can't kill it if we don't know where it is.'

Muscle Lynn groaned. 'LYNN NOT EXPECT DIFFICULT QUESTION! LYNN JUST WANT OUT OF LOLA'S KINGDOM!'

Unfortunately, it was a very good question due to the fact that no one had the answer. Stuck in a quiet sewer was not a good place to look.

'_I know where the virus is_.'

'AHHH!'

Everyone screamed and jumped back at once, as the chilling voice and the feeling of dread entered the room. They turned around to see a familiar black shadow with glowing teeth.

'How many times do I have to tell you Lucy, STOP DOING THAT!' Queen Lola yelled. 'If you weren't some weird freaky shadow thing, you would've been punished to the gall bladder and back by now.'

Up close, Lana realised how bizarre Shadow Lucy was. She seemed to be merely a talking blob of pure darkness, and her glowing teeth had no body of which they were a part of. Apparently, Lisa was a little more terrified than she let on.

'_It isn't my fault if Outside Lucy does this_.' The shadow continued. '_It doesn't matter. I searched around our host's body, and located the infectious being we are looking for._'

Linka smiled. 'Really? That makes our job so much easier! Thanks Luce.'

'_Good. It's nice being noticed for once. The virus currently resides in the stomach, eating the chewed-up food._'

Queen Lola cringed. 'Ew ew EW! Does it have to be the _stomach_? Oh well. I do whatever it takes to save my kingdom.'

'If I had a nickel for every time you said 'kingdom'...' Linka muttered, just quietly enough so no one would hear.

Shadow Lucy vanished into the floor, like a puddle sinking into dirt. Her glowing teeth disappeared first.

Queen Lola inhaled through her nose deeply. 'Okay. As much as I HATE leaving my lovely intestines and going to the stomach, it must be done. Fortunately, I know a quick way outta here that skips the small intestine completely. Get going, dear subjects, and follow me.'

* * *

'I swear to God, I give those ladies a single order - just a SINGLE. ORDER. - and they screw it up! Every time!'

In her frustration, Sergeant Lori had retreated from the left lung and into a tunnel just big enough to walk through. At the other end of the translucent tunnel, was the heart. Instead of more tunnels, what appeared to be electrical wires extended from the heart's atria and ventricles.

About every second, the heart thumped and flashed red. The wires flashed alongside it, blue for the atria and yellow for the ventricles. The other side had another tunnel connected to the right lung. Those wires ran through them too, resembling tree roots.

Leni entered the tunnel a few seconds afterwards, a little surprised from the sight; didn't people describe Lisa as 'heartless' sometimes?

Sergeant Lori disappeared through a door to the pumping organ. Inside, it resembled a power room of sorts. One wall had a massive power box mounted on it, while another had a small series of lights with labels. Each label correlated to a part of the body.

She glanced over to said lights. 'Of course. I figured as much.'

Some of the lights were a bright deep green, but most of the others had turned a more yellow colour. The light labelled 'Brain', however, was turning orange and heading to red.

A fairly big guinea pig - wearing a diaper of all things - crawled up to her legs.

'It's not looking good, ma'am.' It said. 'Everything's going to poo-poo. Once that light turns red, Lisa is doomed.

A different light, the one labelled 'right arm', turned a green-yellow colour.

The guinea pig frowned. 'Dannit.'

Sergeant Lori sighed. 'I'm trying Lily, I'm trying. But those ladies have no idea what they're doing!'

The door opened, revealing a Leni with a warm smile. She entered the hearty room and closed the door behind her.

'You?! What are you doing here?' Sergeant Lori demanded. 'Didn't I tell you that you've helped enough?'

Leni approached her. 'You looked a little stressed.'

The leader's mouth fell wide open. She wanted to scream 'A little? What you mean a little?!' and berate her blindness so badly, and to anyone else she would have. The girl in front of her, though, was an exception. Though smarter than their Leni, the innocent desire to help remained.

Still, she was not in the mood to keep her voice down.

'Of course I'm stressed!' She yelled, before pacing around the room. 'Do you know how hard it is to keep Lisa's body in ship-shape? Every other hour something explodes in her face and blasts her out the room! We have to work overtime to make sure she can recover. We're _happy_ she lost all her real hair in a nuclear experiment gone wrong, since it gives us one less thing to worry about!'

She stopped in place, and took a few moments to do some calm breathing. Leni stepped closer and pat her shoulder. Sergeant Lori resisted the urge to slap her.

'I don't know how to help you, but if you tell me what to do I'm sure I could do it.' Leni said.

'Outside Leni, let me be blunt here. There is nothing you can do for us. And after the stunt your little sister pulled, I don't trust any outside people to help us. My ladies can do it themselves, okay?'

Subject Lily crossed her forelegs. 'We've been doing a good job of it so far.'

Sergeant Lori glared at her, while Leni wondered why a hamster was talking to them in a voice eerily similar to Lily's.

'Lily, I swear to-'

Right on time, the door slammed open, snapping everyone's attention to it.

'**OI, I HAVE SOMETHING BAD TO REPORT! IT SEEMS OUR REPAIRS ARE COMING UP SHORT!**'

The leader gritted her teeth and groaned. 'What the hell is it now, Luna?! What did I literally just tell you? Go fix the pipes!'

'**THAT'S THE ISSUE THAT WE'RE HAVING HERE! THE DAMAGES OF THE PIPE ARE BLEEDING SEVERE!**'

In the tiny room, Screaming Luna's booming voice became even worse. It forced Leni and Subject Lily to back away, while S. Lori had to face the screaming head on.

'You trying to tell me the damages to _Lisa_ are too hard to fix? What, did you get lazy or something? God, if it wasn't for me Lisa would be dead by now.'

'**ALRIGHT THEN! IF YOU'RE SUCH THE PERFECT TYPE, HOW ABOUT **_**YOU**_ **GO FIX THAT BROKEN PIPE?**'

S. Lori opened her mouth to respond, but truthfully couldn't. There was one thing she hated above all: admitting she was wrong.

'Not that it would matter.' Subject Lily said, catching their attention. 'With how much blood that virus devours, our host will lose too much of it regardless. Fixing that pipe would only delay the inevitable.'

S. Lori sighed. 'The little lady is right. Killing that virus is our only option. Only then can we fix our host up.' She turned to Leni, and pulled her in close. 'Outside Leni, though I do not take back what I have said, it is clear we'll need all the help we can get.'

Leni smiled. All she wanted in life was to help.

'**DUDE, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THE VIRUS IS AT THE MOMENT!**' Screaming Luna yelled. '**WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING IF WE CAN'T FIND OUR** **OPPONENT!**'

'_I know where that invader is_.'

Like before, everyone in the room yelped and jumped back. Shadow Lucy formed without any sound at all.

'Lucy, you heard my orders.' Sergeant Lori said. 'Stop just appearing unannounced!'

'_Never mind that. I located the virus_.'

'You... you did? Congrats cadet. Where is it?'

'_In the stomach, eating pre-digested food. At this rate, Lisa will have nothing to digest_.'

Shadow Lucy disappeared as quickly as she arrived. S. Lori slammed her baton into the floor, making those remaining in the room stand up straight.

'Alright ladies! We're heading for the stomach. Lily, Outside Leni, you're coming too.'

'You're not gonna _leaf_ me behind, are ya? GET IT GET IT GET IT?'

'Damnit Luan, that pun doesn't even relate to the situation! But unfortunately, you're coming too.'

* * *

After a while, the knocking ceased. Lucy had to put up with so much of it, but it eventually stopped. Now, she heard Lisa running around the room and messing around with stuff.

'Go long, Lisa!'

_*BONK*_

'OW!'

Lucy had nothing to worry about; she had both Edwin and her poetry book with her in the coffin. Thus, most of the stuff that could be broken was Lynn's, which wasn't going to last much longer anyway.

'Did your room always have so many holes in the floor? Seems kinda risky, ya know.'

Lisa was not going to leave, but Lucy could handle letting her go wild. It wasn't like there was anything important that she could break or uncover.

'Whoa, for real Emo Girl? You read _this_?! It's so sugary it'd give me a toothache!'

If Lucy had an actual heart, it would've skipped a beat. She flung the coffin lid open, slammed it down behind her, and saw to her horror that her assumption had been correct; the toddler had peeled off one of the posters, revealing another much more pink one underneath it.

Lisa broke down laughing. 'I can't believe it! You, the something of dark stuff, actually read Pr-!'

Lucy, putting her skill of spontaneous movement to good use, clamped her hand over Lisa's mouth. It even stopped the latter from yelping like she usually would.

'Do not tell another mortal soul about this, or they will never find your body.'

Lisa pushed her hand away. 'Tell who about what now?'

Oh thank Lucifer. The little girl's mind was just that scrambled right now. Instead of looking at the sparkly poster which was quickly covered up again, she instead stared intently at Lucy's face. A bit too intently.

'What are you doing now?' Lucy asked, an annoyed tone seeping through.

Lisa squinted, making the same face she made when studying something.

'Do you, like, even have eyes? Show me your eyes, Emo Girl!'

'...'

'Come on. Show me. I gotta see them!'

'I wouldn't that do that. The last person who saw my eyes was so overwhelmed from the shock they died on the spot.'

Of course, that never happened. No one had ever seen her eyes, except her parents who certainly did not die from the shock. But she would say whatever she needed to in order to prevent mortals from getting near her eyes.

Lisa giggled. 'Fear tactics won't work on me again. I will see those eyes even if it kills me! I'll die accomplishing something amazing!'

Without a word, Lucy walked over to the bedroom door and opened it.

'Get. Out.'

In the time it took her to get to the door, Lisa had disappeared.

'Dang it.' The goth muttered.

She began to look around her room, making sure to avoid the holes in the floor, before she heard a muffled sound.

'_AAH-CHMPHT!_'

She lifted up the lid of her coffin, to reveal the sniffly Lisa looking up at her with a sheepish smile.

'Heh heh... dusty.'

If Lucy hadn't hit her limit before, she definitely did now. Saying absolutely nothing, she picked the prodigy up by the sweater's neck.

'Really? _Again_? Do ya people hafta pick me up like that every time?'

'Be quiet, or I'll be forced to punish you through means beyond this realm.'

* * *

The virus flew around the cavernous space that was the stomach. Like a cave full of lava, sickly green acid lay at the bottom. Various foods lay in the acid, most of which were chewed-up masses that hardly represented what they once were.

As the virus flew about, every few seconds it dived down to take a bite out of the slowly digesting food. Though not as delicious as blood, it sufficed.

Someone watched it with interest, standing on a platform of acid-resistant metal, and smiled.

'Sheeeooot! So that there dragon lass is tha one tearin' up tha missy. She's a beaut, that's fer sure.'

**Author Notes - The next chapter should be arriving within a few days at the latest. Won't that be just swell, my poor audience who has probably left by now!**

**Don't let my portrayal of Queen Lola make you think I hate the real Lola. On the contrary, I think she's one of the funniest characters in the show. I thank 'Tea Tale Heart' for that.**

**I'm quite proud of turning Lily into a guinea pig. I think it's a mildly funny visual pun.**


	5. Drunk On Tea

**Author Notes - ****If the analogy of Lisa's wacky behaviour wasn't obvious enough, take a look at that title. And this chapter will throw any of the subtlety around the 'drunk' behaviour out the window.**

**CHAPTER FIVE - DRUNK ON TEA**

'... and I'm like, just cos you're made of bubblegum does not mean you're _not_ the most salty person I have ever met, and she's like, I'm not the one who cries salt water...'

Lola ranted to her stuffed animals as she poured the tea. Something about the princess of the Candy Kingdom being obnoxious again. She returned to her seat, and looked over to the unicorn toy.

'I know, right? I bet she's bitter over Lolatopia winning that war all those years ago. I mean, it's not my fault that my ancestors were so - AAH!'

In the corner of her eye, she saw a person standing right behind her. After she dropped the teapot in shock, she realised the person was - can you guess? - Lucy.

'Ugh, Lucy?!' Lola yelled. 'Stop doing that! And don't give me that 'how you move around the universe' stuff!'

'I need you to take care of this.' Lucy said.

The part that really surprised Lola was what, or 'who' rather, Lucy was holding: a plastered and flu-ey Lisa, who couldn't even sync her blinking anymore.

'Eyyy!' The woozy child said. 'Which one are you again? Lori? Lincoln? Liam?'

It gave Lola about a hundred different questions in the span of a single second. Before she could ask even one of them, Lucy plopped Lisa down in the empty seat on the opposite side of the table.

'She's your problem now.'

Giving no explanation, she turned around and headed for the door.

'Wait, what do you mean she's my prob-?!'

_*slam*_ And Lucy had left, not just the room but the intoxicated toddler with the princess. Next time the two interacted, Lola would be sure rip her to shreds regardless of whether or not she played dead.

Lisa picked up her empty tea cup, and leaned over the table to get it as close to Lola's face as possible.

'Hit me, princess.'

It took a few seconds for Lola to understand the situation. The chances of Lisa ever asking for tea, especially in _that_ way, seemed lower than a monkey recreating the works of Shakespeare.

'Uh, no.' Lola said. 'This is my tea party, and I can deny service to whoever I please.'

Lisa's eyes narrowed, and she slammed the table with her free hand. 'I said, _hit me_.'

In the background, one could hear a rather nonchalant scream followed by a light 'thud' on the first floor.

Lola sighed. 'You know what? Fine. If it gets you to stop bugging me.'

She picked up the teapot off the floor, and poured what remained into the tea cup. Lisa returned to her seat and downed her tea in seconds.

She winced. 'Ugh. _Weak_.'

* * *

'Alright ladies, when we reach the stomach I need you take care! I don't need to lose any soldiers to the acid.'

Thank goodness for elevators. Otherwise, Sergeant Lori would need to take her ladies down the oesophagus.

'I can feel our spirits _elevating_!'

'Can it, Luan!'

'I'm afraid I _can_ not do that, Lori!'

'**IF YOU DON'T STOP, IT'LL BE THE END OF YOUR STORY!**'

'Alright, I'll stop. No need to be a Luna-tic! Okay, _now_ I'll stop.'

'**YEAH, RIGHT. I GIVE YOU TEN SECONDS TOPS!**'

Leni covered her ears, in a failed attempt to block out the sound. Screaming Luna was unbearable, but Clown Luan and Sergeant Lori weren't much better. You'd think that someone who lived in such a big household would be fine, but she couldn't handle it.

In fact, even Outside _Luna_ would've had a bit of a problem.

'LADIES, stop fighting!' Sergeant Lori yelled. 'We can't save our host if we fight among ourselves! We don't win wars against illnesses by bickering at each other.'

The baby-sized guinea pig - who Leni had learned was Subject Lily - crawled up her body and rested on her shoulders.

'Too loud, huh?' She asked.

Leni nodded, still covering her ears as the others engaged in a loud and sometimes punny argument.

'And I thought _my_ family was loud.' She said. 'It is, like, the family name after all. But Lisa's versions of us are even louder.'

'You sound like you're surprised.' Subject Lily said with an eye-roll.

Leni blinked at her.

The guinea pig facepalmed. 'Oh my god, you **are** surprised.'

'But, like, you're meant to be how Lisa sees us, right? Are we really _that_ loud?'

They both glanced over to the others, who were still stuck in their ever-escalating argument that been reduced to screaming 'uh-huh' and 'nuh-uh' at each other.

'Ever notice that Lisa's really quiet compared to the rest of you?' Subject Lily said. 'Maybe not nearly as quiet as Lucy, but among her other sisters she's almost silent. The only thing 'loud' about her are the semi-regular explosions. I know it may sound obvious, but think about it for a moment.'

Leni did think about it, or at least tried to; the fighting in the background did not make it easy.

'Looks like we're in for a really good _fight_ tonight, huh? GET IT GET IT?'

'**DUDE, THAT WASN'T EVEN MUCH OF A PUN! WORKING WITH YOU IS NO BLEEDING FUN!**'

'I could say the same thing about both you ladies, funnily enough!'

By now, even Subject Lily had to cover her ears too.

'Why do think Lisa suffers from tinnitus so much?' She said. 'If she hadn't grown up in a household like this, it would probably give her sensory overload on the spot!'

Of course, Leni had barely a clue what 'tinnitus' was, but she knew that Lisa sometimes complained about it. Thinking about it, a feeling of empathy washed over her.

'Poor Lisa...'

The elevator came to a stop, jostling everyone around a bit. Sergeant Lori took a deep breath, and marched to the door. She slammed her baton into the floor, getting everyone's attention.

'Ladies, the inside of the stomach lays beyond this door. I remind you to be careful around the acid. And Leni, I suggest breathing through your mouth.'

Leni winced. 'Ooh, does the stomach smell _that_ bad?'

Sergeant Lori shook her head. 'Oh no, the stomach smells fine, relatively speaking. It's Lisa's version of Lana you have to worry about.'

* * *

No, really. Thank goodness for elevators. They had no time to go through both the intestines and deal with the kidneys trying to filter them out. Every single organ seemed to be connected with the transportation devices.

'Why are there so many elevators?' Lana asked, possibly responding to the previous paragraph. 'Don't you have any other ways of moving around?'

'The human body mostly stands up straight.' Linka explained. 'So elevators are just the most convenient. You could also try the bloodstream like the virus, but that takes a lot longer if you're not a superfast flyer.'

The elevator came to a stop. Queen Lola breathed in deeply, and reached for the open door button.

'Okay. Here we are.' She said. 'The stomach. Wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for that redneck...'

'Queen Lola, I thought we told you not to call her that.' Linka said.

'LOLA RIGHT THOUGH! LANA IS REDNECK!'

'Lynn, _Outside_ Lana is right there.'

Lana? Of course there was a version of Lana in there. Why wouldn't there be? Still, the thought that the young plumber would soon meet another her got her both curious and incredibly excited. She watched the doors, waiting for them to open up the way to both her counterpart and the stomach.

Then, they opened wide. Lana ran out as far as the guard rails allowed her.

Acid-resistant metal platforms extended around the rim of the stomach, rails circling the edges. The sickly green acid bubbled and steamed like lava, or magma in this case. Various mashes of foods lay around the place. There were traces of the scent of barf in the air, to make it that much better.

'Sweet!'

Between the two elevators - one that went down and the other up - was another set of doors. It had a sign nailed above it; it read 'Safe Room'. The temptation to jump right into the acid was strong. Only one thing stopped Lana from doing so.

'I could mention the barfy smell or the severe burns, but I'll be blunt here.' Linka said from behind. 'If you hop into that acid, you will die slowly and painfully.'

Actually, one other thing stopped her from jumping to her acidy death.

'OMGosh, it's...! Wait, is that my Lana or your Lana?'

'Definitely yours. Way too clean.'

Lana recognised the sweet voice and ditzy demeanour. She had no time to react, as she found herself trapped in a loving embrace. Leni absolutely smothered her little sister, as if making up for the lost time. Lana could barely breathe, but smiled and laughed all the same.

'I'm so happy that you're okay!'

'O'course I'm okay. I was in a sewer.'

Leni would've held onto her forever, had Sergeant Lori not interrupted their reunion with a loud as heck whistle. On instinct, Leni let go of Lana to cover her ears. The plumber managed to land on her feet.

'Cute reunion, but we have no time for cute on this mission!' The drill sergeant yelled, slamming her baton once again. 'We've delayed enough, and we need as much time as we can possibly get if we want to save Lisa!' She turned to her soldiers. 'And all the help we can get too. So no fighting!'

The two groups glared at each other like two factions at war, though most were directed at Queen Lola.

'**OI, YOU WANT ME TO WORK TOGETHER WITH THAT WITCH?! THAT PRINCESS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A DEMANDING-!**'

'Shaddup Luna! Don't make me behead you again!'

'LYNN KNEW THIS WAS BAD IDEA!'

'I said no fighting!'

And this is why you should be very glad that this is a written medium, and thus you cannot hear the utter cacophony that would otherwise assault your eardrums.

'Please stop fighting...' Leni said, her voice totally lost into the yells.

The bickering was only stopped by a new person entering the group.

'Dadgum, I dint realise we was havin' a yellings match.'

It wasn't the hillbilly voice catching everyone's attention that stopped the fight, nor was it the random entrance. Oh no. It was the smell. Oh good lord, the smell. Even someone with their nose clogged with cement would gag.

Again, be grateful that this is written.

All of the inside workers backed away, and though they had no lungs they still had to flee to fresher air as they unfortunately still had all five senses. Queen Lola sprayed the air around herself with perfume, while Screaming Luna yelled out some British swear words that I am _not_ repeating.

Linka pinched her nose. 'Ugh, no matter how much I smell it, it's still awful!'

With everyone scattered, the outsiders could see the offender. As you may have guessed, she was Lisa's version of Lana, who we will appropriately call Redneck Lana.

'Sheeeooot! I done found a me. Is that one-a them outsider people y'all did tells me about?'

Her appearance... how do I describe it in a way that won't make you gag? I don't think I can. Every bodily fluid you can think of - everything from sweat to urine to vomit - had been caked into her clothes. Her hair was more like a pile of spaghetti, and her bare arms were far too hairy. Stink lines accompanied her.

Leni stepped forward to greet the new person, but the moment the odour hit her she had to stop and cover her nose with her hands. She tried to smile even as her eyes watered.

'Hi, uh, Inside Lana! Your scent is, like, um... totes unique.'

'Naw, y'all can be honest. Insultin' ma stink is a complement!'

Redneck Lana's smell was, how do I put this? Imagine that a skunk had been crushed by a truckload of garbage, followed by a wet dog drying itself on its body, which was then dried off by sweaty gym socks, and then finally served with spoiled milk and rotten eggs. That's how Redneck Lana smelled.

Outside Lana - which we have to call her now - shrugged, failing to see what the big deal was. She waltzed over to her counterpart, finding the sensation of looking into a mirror like that to be just a little weird.

'Hey there.' She greeted. 'Is this weird to you too? Cos I gotta say, I kinda like-'

She stopped. Upon getting this close, the aroma of the hillbilly slammed into her. The horrific combination of odours assaulted her senses, and she had to cover her mouth to stop herself from throwing up.

'Aw, that is _NASTY!_'

What was this new experience? Now she understood the feeling of finding a smell to be unbearable. It made her realise something: she had to up her game.

'Thank y'all, m'lady.'

Sergeant Lori grabbed Outside Lana by her overalls strap and pulled her away.

'Oh yeah, she is _that_ bad. Forget about that cos we are running out of time! Right now, we have to take care of _that_.'

She pointed with her baton at the red dragon, who was still flying around the cavernous stomach and enjoying many bites out of the digesting food.

The feeling of uneasiness returned to Lana. 'She's not hurting anyone. She's just eating food that Lisa's already eaten. That's not a problem, is it?'

Redneck Lana chuckled. 'Sawry, but that there biter is gonnas cause Lis ta starve. It don't matter none if tha food stuffs in tha stomach. Lis'a gots ta digest it first.' She readjusted her straps. 'Welp, we ain't gettin' nowheres by just standin' 'round. Miss Scary Sergeant Lady, we shoulda be goin' now.'

Sergeant Lori held her baton in front of the redneck, and with a dejected sigh turned to the outsiders.

'Ladies, you're all gonna hate me for saying this, but I think the Outsiders are our best bet here.'

As she expected, her soldiers greeted her with annoyed groans and plenty of complaints.

'LYNN NOT UNDERSTAND PLAN! LORI CLEARLY STUPID!'

'You trust _them_ to protect my _kingdom_?!'

'**I'M SORRY, WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR PLAN HERE? THIS MOVE WILL BE THE END OF YOUR CAREER!**'

'This seems like a suicidal move. GET IT?!'

'Well, this plan is complete poo-poo.'

Sergeant Lori rolled her eyes. 'Yeah, I saw that coming. Let me explain myself.'

To the surprise of both the workers and the outsiders, Sergeant Lori walked over to Outside Lana. As she knelt down to her level, her expression showed both frustration and dejection.

She put her hand on the young girl's shoulder. 'While what you did in the lungs was completely out of line and merely sabotaged our mission, I cannot deny that you have some sort of special connection to that virus. We can use that.' She stood up and turned to Leni. 'And while you may be a bit, um, what's the word...?'

Leni giggled. 'Oh, it's okay! I know I'm not the brightest knife on the tree.'

S. Lori blinked at her a few times. 'Uh, alright. Despite that, you do have something we don't have: a strong heart.'

Muscle Lynn pretended to gag. Queen Lola kicked her between the legs, and after unleashing a girly shriek the muscly girl collapsed on the ground. Yeah, a kick to the crotch hurts women too.

S. Lori turned around. 'Our Lana shall lead them across the platform. Let's GO GO GO!'

'Wait!' Queen Lola cried. 'There's no way we're forcing anyone to be near that stink-bomb. We have to neutralise it!'

'What are you-?'

From hammerspace, the queen pulled out a grenade labelled 'Lana'.

'BOOOOMBS AWAAAAY!'

She chucked the grenade at Redneck Lana, and it exploded into a pink cloud of an overwhelming aroma, which made Leni cough and threw Outside Lana into a sneezing fit.

'Good.' Queen Lola said. '_Now_ they can go.'

* * *

Lisa had managed to down two cups of tea before the workers inside her had even reached her stomach. Upon finishing the second one, she slammed her cup down onto the table. By some miracle it didn't shatter.

'Gimme another shot, _princess_.'

Lola rubbed her temples. 'Look, I love tea as much as the next lady, but two cups in a _minute_ is enough.'

In response, Lisa squeezed the handle of her cup so tight her hand turned white.

'Your tea is _weak_. Shot. **Now**.'

Lola made a sound similar to both a sigh and a groan, and poured her another cup. The tea was gone in seconds.

'What is _wrong_ with you today?' She asked, not really expecting an answer.

The scientist tapped her fingers on the table, giving her a look that screamed 'whats it to you?'. Still, the part of her normal self that remained felt a duty to answer any question given to her.

'S-So, here's what I can - _*HIC* _\- even remember at this point. I was studying something, and then something something I start actin' like I've been drinking tea actually - _*HIC*_ \- worth something.'

Already, Lisa could be hard to understand due to a combination of her vast vocabulary and her lisp. Now, she was slurring her words on top of that. Her occasional hiccuping did not help.

'Uh-huh.' Lola said, her eyes half closed. 'Riiight.'

'Oh, and uh... _*HIC*_... I think Lana and, um, whatever the stupid one is called, are inside of me right now.'

Lola's eyes went wide, and she stared at the crazy scientist. She beckoned for more, but all she received was another hiccup.

'Um... excuse me?' Lola questioned.

Lisa scoffed. 'What? Doncha geddit?'

The princess blinked a couple times. 'Um, yeah. Clearly not! You just told me that my twin is inside you! Care to explain _that_?'

'Uh, I think it was - _*HIC*_ \- an experiment gone wrong or something.'

'Ah. That makes sense. Kinda...'

Lisa held out her hand and shook her empty cup around a bit. Lola grunted, and poured her another shot. Give this princess credit: for her, this was pretty darn patient. The shot was gulped down in a moment.

The toddler leaned back in her chair, and glanced around the table. She found a bear mocking her.

She leaned over the table, getting close to the teddy bear. 'What are _you_ looking at?'

The toy did not respond. Because, ya know, it's a toy.

'Joke's on you buddy; that umbrella is mine!'

Rarely did Lola find a situation like this where she had nothing to say.

'Give me a moment.' She said. 'I have to drink something.'

She sipped on her tea, before spitting it out wildly over the carpet. With that out of the way, she turned back to her guests and tried to smile.

'Let's just _try_ to have a nice, relaxing tea party.' She gestured to the unicorn toy. 'So Eustace, has Princess Gumball been treating you alright or is she _still_ ignoring you?'

Lisa looked over to the unicorn toy. She convinced herself that said toy was smirking at her.

She grumbled. 'I say screw 'im.' She slammed her fists on the table. 'HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS GETTING INTO WHEN HE SOLD YOU THAT _CAR INSURANCE!_'

'... ... ... excuse me? What are you on about?'

'And HER!'

Lisa pointed at the cat toy sitting next to the incredibly confused Lola, so angry her hand noticeably shivered.

'THAT-' Hoo boy, I am not repeating _that_ word to you. '-STOLE MY POTATOES!'

Normally, Lola would've lost her mind at someone insulting one of her 'friends', but at this point had none of the energy required to do so. She merely sunk her head into her hands.

'Oh, you think it's so - _*HIC*_ \- bad for _you_, huh? _I_ gotta share this table with all you-' Not repeating that one either. 'GIMME MORE TEA!'

* * *

The metallic platforms extended into a long straight bridge, which spanned from one end of the stomach to the other. Redneck Lana, smelling quite a bit better after the perfume grenade, lead Leni and Outside Lana down the path while the virus flew above them.

The others waited at the starting platform, as Sergeant Lori immediately regretted her idea.

'Now watch yer step, missies!' Redneck Lana said. 'That there acid'll burn ya clothes off. Oh, and then tha rest of yous.'

The trio stopped in the middle of the long metallic path. Leni put a finger to her chin as she watched the virus taking bites out of the chewed up food. There was definitely less food now than there was when they first arrived.

'So, what do we, like, do now?' She asked.

The hillbilly shrugged. 'I dunno missy. I thoughts that t'was your part of tha plan.'

Their confab came to a quick end as a hatch located far off in the roof opened up, and a brown liquid poured through. The tea fell into the acid like milk pouring into a bowl, and it joined an ever-growing brown oil spill in the stomach.

'Is that... Lola's tea?' Lana questioned. 'Why is Lisa drinking _that_ icky stuff?' She added, taking a bite out of some pre-chewed food she found on the way.

Back with the others, Sergeant Lori shook her head. 'This is, what, the fifth cup of tea our host has drunk in the last five minutes?'

Subject Lily winced. 'The bathroom break is going to be horrid.'

The virus gave no one any attention, and just continued flying around and eating to its heart content. If it had an actual heart.

Leni looked to her little sister. 'Lana, what do you think we should-?'

She stopped herself upon seeing what was in Lana's hand. The plumber shoved the rest of the wet food mush into her mouth, humming happily to herself. Leni, on the other hand, cringed with her whole body.

'Ewww! Lisa _ate_ that!'

Lana shrugged. 'So?' She swallowed. 'Mmm, waffles...'

'**STOP MESSING AROUND AND GET ON WITH THE MISSION!**' Screaming Luna yelled, apparently able to see them. '**OR WE'LL THROW THE LOT OF YOU OUT OF COMMISSION**!'

Taking her advice, the trio turned their attention back to the virus.

'I ain't gots no smart brain iders.' Redneck Lana said, shrugging. 'So you outside peoples gots ta think-a somethin' yerself.'

'Lana - uh, my Lana - do you have any ideas?' Leni asked.

Outside Lana stared at the dragon as it soared through the air, her thoughts focused on how she could save both her microscopic friend and her little sister. Though she understood why it had to be done, she didn't see why _killing_ the virus was necessary. Why not save both?

'Oh, if only Lisa could be here.' Leni said with a frown. 'She would know what to do.'

Lana rolled her eyes. 'Len, if Lisa _was_ here, she would of killed it by now.'

'I know, but... there's gotta be a way to keep them both happy.'

The virus had a ball, eating the pre-digested food and tasting things like waffles and sardines. As it did so, it couldn't help but glance at the little girl who had stood up for her. Maybe it was just the scent of lizard pee, but something about her said 'animal person'. It made the virus smile; she was _so_ much better than that littler girl experimenting on her earlier. Said littler girl was currently getting her just desserts.

Sergeant Lori noticed the trio standing around doing nothing, and muttered swear words to herself. She pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. 'I am an idiot. Why did I think _they_ could do anything?!'

'Oh yeah.' Subject Lily piped up. 'Because we were doing sooo much better.'

'Did you _have_ to inherit our host's sarcasm?'

Linka, fed up with playing 'Scissors Paper Punch' with Muscle Lynn, walked over to them. 'She's kinda right, though. Let's be honest, we're not the best at fighting off viruses.'

Sergeant Lori gritted her teeth. 'Look, it isn't my fault if no one in this damn family covers their mouth when they sneeze. If they did, maybe there wouldn't be a full on zombie apocalypse any time just one of them got sick!'

'LYNN SMASH VIRUS! LYNN KEEP LISA HEALTHY!'

'Good for you. Shame you suck at it!'

Linka sighed, exasperated at the fact that they made the Simpsons look functional.

'Lisa is so dead...' She muttered.

Outside Lana, for the heck of it, waved at the virus as it flew past. To her pleasant surprise, it stopped in midair to look down at her. Despite its lizard-like face, it smiled kinda like a human. It wasn't the kind of grin a lioness makes before she eats you. It was one of someone meeting an old friend.

The hatch in the ceiling opened to reveal tea pouring down once again. Neither Lana noticed, but Leni did and she frowned.

'It can't be good for Lisa to be drinking that much tea.' She said.

Redneck Lana knelt down and peered closely at the acid with a grin. The usually flat and calm liquid began to vibrate slightly as the tea puddle built up.

'Hoo-wee! Looks like we gonnas be ridin' tha green wave. Aw, this gonnas be more fun than a barrel fulla horse manure!'

Oh good lord, this'll be terrible.

* * *

'Di'nt ya hear me? More tea, prinshesh!'

'Sorry Miss Lisa, but we are all out... because YOU drank it all!'

Regardless of whether or not there was a single drop left in that teapot, Lola did not want her ill younger sister getting more anyway. The blatant slurring that made her borderline incomprehensible was proof enough of that.

'What?!' Lisa exclaimed. 'How can we be out? You jush hiding it from me?!'

Lola sighed for the twentieth time that tea session. 'Oh, I wish. Even if I did have more, I think _six cups_ is enough.'

The wasted toddler scoffed. 'I shay when I've had enuff.'

Her face promptly hit the table with a loud THUD. She stood like that for a few seconds, not moving or making a sound.

'Uh... Lisa?'

For a moment, Lola was actually a little worried that the four-year-old had drunk too much and had suddenly died as a result. Her growing fears were put to rest as Lisa emitted a sound.

The sound of sulking.

'Lisa, _are_ _you okay?!_'

'Ugh, what hassh my life become? It'sh all just a game of blowing shtuff up! Ish that all there ish in life? Blowing shtuff up until I loosh every hair I have?' She rose her head up, keeping her chin on the table. 'Ish it all jush a game until the shweet releashe of that thing the Emo Girl ish into?'

Lola dot exe had stopped working. Lola dot exe had encountered a problem, more specifically that Lisa got troublingly philosophical when in this plastered state. Lola stared, in the perfect situation to drop something if she were in the state to do so.

Lisa, without asking first, swiped the full cup away from Eustace. 'Move over buddy! I need thish more than you do.'

The toddler blatantly disobeying the law of Lolatopia snapped the princess out of a trance, and she was about ready to tear into her in more ways than once.

'LISA, YOU-!'

Lola stopped herself, not by her own will but because something was clearly wrong. Lisa didn't drink out of the cup, and merely put it down while wrapping her free arm around her stomach.

Even in her current state, Lisa knew that the icky feeling in her stomach wasn't right. It felt as though her stomach had gone through a washing machine.

* * *

Watching the trio do nothing, Sergeant Lori pinched the bridge of her nose so hard it was miracle it didn't fall off. She had been doing so for the past few minutes.

'Jumping into that acid is sooo tempting right now...' She muttered to herself.

'**HOW ABOUT I GO OVER THERE AND ATTACK THAT PEST? MY AXE WILL DESTROY THAT UNWANTED GUEST!**'

The leader gritted her teeth. 'Urge to jump into acid rising...'

Of course, she wasn't going to. Her soldiers were too idiotic to survive without her.

'_Do you see the acid?_'

'WAAH!'

Oh good grief. How did no one get used to her jump scares by now? Sergeant Lori turned around and looked the shadowy blob in the, uh, glowing mouth.

'Yes Lucy, the _acid_. It's everywhere! Did you forget that we're in the stomach?'

'No need for the _acidic_ attitude, Lori!'

'SHUT THE HELL UP LUAN!'

Subject Lily crawled over to the edge of the metallic platform, and got a closer look at the boiling green liquid. The vibrations turned to tiny waves that grew in size slightly every moment.

'Oh dannit!' She yelled. 'Lucy's right. Looks like our host won't have to worry about that bathroom break after all. And it just might be worse than the weeks-old egg salad incident.'

Sergeant Lori dropped her baton in shock, before she immediately picked it back up and readopted her angry look. She blew into her whistle and got the attention of everyone on the platform.

'ALRIGHT LADIES! If we don't act fast we'll be riding the green wave outta here. To the safe room, now! GO GO GO!'

The doors labelled 'Safe Room' slid open, revealing another room that was just big enough for the lot of them. Everyone rushed in like a horde of sheep while Sergeant Lori directed them inside.

'Get off your butts, slackers! We wanna stay in our host's body, don't we?'

'LYNN WONDER ABOUT INTRUDERS! GUESS INTRUDERS JUST SWIM IN PUKE!'

Sergeant Lori scoffed. 'Yeah, I'm sure they'll be swimming in-'

She took a quick glance at those in the middle of the metallic path, to see that they were standing there unaware. Well, in Redneck Lana's case it was more like uncaringly.

She shrieked. 'Those idiots will literally drown! And in the worst way possible to boot. Oh god, what the hell do I do?'

Linka stuck her head out the room. 'Uh, Lori, shouldn't you be coming inside?'

Without looking at him, she responded. 'Can't do that, Linka. No solider left behind!'

Muscle Lynn grabbed her by the arm and yanked her in. The safe room doors slammed shut, and would not let anyone out until the crisis was over.

While Outside Lana watched the virus flying around in awe, Leni thought about what Redneck Lana said moments ago. Green wave? What waves? They weren't near the ocean, were they?

'What's the 'green wave'?' She asked. 'Is it, like, when environmental activists wave hello to you? Or is it when the ocean's dyed green?'

The hillbilly chuckled. 'Nawh, lassie. That's when that there acid gets all sloopy an' shaky and stuffs. That means our host Lis is abouts ta puke an' send us ridin' on outtas here!'

Leni recoiled. 'EWWW!'

It finally got Outside Lana to look back at them. She had a grin on her face.

'Niiice.'

'Aw yeah!' Redneck Lana continued. 'It's a real hoot! Norma'ly though, I'm-a enjoyin' it in that there shelter.' She pointed to the safe room. 'I've nevuh beens, ya know, ackshully caughts up in tha ride.'

A wave of acid splashed onto the platform. Leni jumped out of the way as it missed her by mere centimetres - or micrometers in this case. It seeped out through the holes of the metal.

'Uh, is it dangerous?' Leni asked.

'Welp, considerin' that it's acid which hurts moar than a shed fulla ornery rattlesnakes, I'm-a gonnas say... sheeooot is it dangerus!'

The fashionista began sweating, both from stress and the increasing heat. 'What do we do?!'

Redneck Lana scratched her rear in thought. 'Uh, dadgum... I thinks we need ta hide in tha safe room. Problem is, I thinks they was already lockin' it down. I ain't no good at that maffs stuff, but I thinks we gots only a haff minute left.'

She said that so causally, as if she was just talking about a friendly quiz and not the end of her life.

Outside Lana's smile dropped, as the realisation of an acidy death dawned on her. 'There's gotta be something we can do!'

In that moment, she could've sworn the virus looked her in the eye. In fact, it seemed to be getting closer and closer...

'WHOA!'

The ground disappeared from under her feet, and the world spun around her. This sensation only lasted a split moment, though it seemed far longer. Then the spinning stopped. Lana looked around, finding herself far above the shaky acid ocean below. How? Simple.

She sat on the neck of the dragon-like beast, holding onto its 'ears' just like she was a jockey. The virus turned its head slightly and gave her a smile that she copied.

'Coool!'

Up this close, she was certain it was purring like a kitten, and its plasticy skin reminded her of Izzy's. For most people, this kind act would make them realise that this virus was more than a mindless beast. For Lana though, it did little beyond confirming what she already knew.

The hatch in the ceiling opened up, but nothing came down. Time was running out.

Lana looked down, to see her ditzy sister and stereotypically-southern counterpart watching them from below.

'Com'on girl.' She said to her new friend. 'We can't leave them behind.'

Sergeant Lori watched the whole thing from behind the secure doors with her mouth agape. Never in her four years of keeping everything in that toddler's body in check did she ever see something like this.

The virus, with the young intruder on its back, swooped down and grabbed the other two, albeit with Redneck Lana barely hanging into its tail.

'Whoa...' She murmured. 'That rookie is something else.'

Subject Lily, resting on her shoulder, smirked. 'Yeah. They're doing so much better than we were doing.'

Sergeant Lori groaned. 'Okay, fine! How about you take charge, then?'

Linka snapped her fingers in front of their faces and motioned out the door. 'Hello!'

Everyone watched through the windows, for as long as they could before the green bubbly acid rushed up and covered their view.

'No!' The leader yelled.

Outside Lana didn't dare look down. She just knew the acid was catching up, fast. All she could do was hold on tight as the virus flew out the latch and up the oesophagus.

Not that she had to worry about Leni.

'**AAAAHHHHHH!**' The fashionista screamed.

But... good lord, was that virus flying fast. Despite their tiny size, it seemed like they were making their trip in the span of seconds. With all the air hitting her face, Lana couldn't keep her eyes open.

And, though she kept her grip tight, she could feel her consciousness slowly slipping. The screams of Leni seemed to vanish completely.

By the time they reached the mouth and the virus swam into another vein...

* * *

'Wait, Lisa, DON'T-!'

But Lola was too late.

Lisa leaned over, and emptied the contents of her stomach all over the carpet, fortunately out of her sister's view. Lola struggled to contain the urge to vomit herself.

'I told you...' She said, pausing to gag. 'You've had waaay too much.'

Lisa sat back on her chair, the green glow on her face replaced by some less-than-pleasant gunk on her lips.

'I'll shay... shay how much... how much I own that shtupid leprechaun.'

And with that non-sequitur, she fell off her chair and onto the floor, thankfully _not_ on the side she puked on.

Lola's face turned red. 'Okay, THAT'S IT! You are OUT, and banned from any and all tea parties from now on!' She turned to her teddy bear. 'Sorry you had to see that, Mr Sprinkles.'

She hopped off her chair, and grabbed Lisa by - what else? - the neck of her sweater. The four-year-old, still recovering from her little pukefest, could do nothing as Lola dragged her across the carpet.

'I shall be driving you back to Lucy. I'm not dealing with this another second longer.'

She approached her pretty pink jeep parked by the wall, and tossed Lisa into the passenger seat like she was a ragdoll - she pretty much was at this point.

'I hate being the designated driver...' She muttered.

When she hopped into the driver's seat, however, Lisa suddenly sprung to life and shoved her out with a hip-check.

'Owww!' Lola whined. 'LISA! You do not push your queen aro-!'

Lisa, to her horror, switched over to the driver's seat and waved her goodbye.

'Ha HA! Shee ya later, shucker!'

**Author Notes - The scene between Lisa and Lola was one I was waiting for. Let's not mince words here: Lisa has been acting **_**drunk**_**. Like, heavily intoxicated **_**drunk**_**. We all know this. I've been hiding it as a joke, but it's clear that's what I was doing.**

**What I was attempting to do for the aforementioned scene was the barkeeper (Lola) having to deal with a drunken customer (Lisa), who then starts swearing at the other customers. **


	6. Sweet Sweet Memories

**Author Notes - Sweet Lucy, what the hell have I done? Why did I make this? Why was I so dedicated to it? Why am I still going? ****Because I'm high off my everything and love this stupid thing I've created! This chapter was so long that I had to divide it up into two.**

**Anyway, the story's approaching the end at this point. There'll be most likely only two chapters plus maybe an epilogue after this. ****And if you thought the references to the show were plentiful enough...  
**

**Also, YES, I am aware that this story, to say the least, has aged... badly. But whatever! The 'virus' in this story isn't contagious so it's okay.**

**CHAPTER SIX - SWEET SWEET MEMORIES**

Lana woke up. She looked around. Where the heck was she? She couldn't recognise this big room, and with her vision still coming back to her, she couldn't really tell what was she looking at.

One thing was for certain... no Leni.

'Len? Leni? Where are you?'

No one called back. Lana was about to get up, running around and calling her name until she found her, before a familiar and annoying tune played from... somewhere close.

'_Cheer up baby, don't you cry. No more tears, it's cheer up time!_'

She groaned as bad memories came back to her.

'Ugh, not that stupid fox toy again...'

Then it dawned on her. How and why the heck would that Fenton toy be inside Lisa, wherever she was? And that didn't sound like Fenton; it sounded more like all of them singing at once.

'_Dance with me and we will be_...'

Her vision finally came back to her, and she saw just what was making the sound.

'Whoa...'

'_Happy happy happy!_'

A green cloud it seemed floated above the ground, other smaller clouds connecting it to a light in the floor like a thought bubble in a comic strip. Most importantly, the green cloud - there's no better words for it - played a clip of Lana's whole family singing Fenton's annoying song to Lily.

'Aw, and I just got that song out of my head.' That was not Lana's voice.

The young plumber spun around, and she nearly fainted as all her worries vanished. Leni stood right behind her, as if she was never gone.

'Leni, you're okay!' Lana cried. 'Where were you?'

Leni pointed to another green cloud behind her. 'Behind that big green fluffy thing. I would've spoken up earlier, but I, like, just got up.'

The cloud she pointed to was also 'playing a clip', albeit a totally different one. The siblings had gathered as the power had gone off. Lisa fed Luan a cookie, and she promptly glowed.

'_I call them Glow-eros_.' The cloud Lisa said.

Turns out, the green thought bubbles were absolutely everywhere in this big room, each arranged vaguely in a grid and playing their own individual 'clip'. Already, Lana had a very good idea on what she was looking at, and oh boy did they pique her curiosity. She had to see more!

So, she ran around and investigated more thought bubbles. Getting lost didn't cross her mind, but it didn't matter either way as she was already lost. Leni followed after her, awing at the same things she did.

'_Say hello to my not-so-little friend!_' Declared a Lisa throwing machine-launched snowballs at Lynn.

'_Small disclaimer; the journey may result in our butts being in front_.' Warned a Lisa standing in front of a strange machine.

'_While I still think that the truth is best... I see now that sometimes lies are necessary to maintain social harmony._' Admitted a Lisa having learnt a lesson.

So many memories... Lana couldn't stop at just those three.

'_It's a beating pig's heart. From the biology labs_.'

'_So the tornado watch is about to become a tornado warning_.'

'_I should be doubly-compensated for being forced to act like such an ignoramus._'

'_Broke on stage singing this song_...'

'_Hurry father, chop chop! And I mean that literally!_'

'Maop!'

Lana came to a skidding stop. Someone jumped out from behind that last cloud and stood in front of her, holding her hand up like a stop signal.

'Look Lana!' Leni said, pointing at the someone. 'They put a mirror in here. Oh, this nail colour totes clashes with my dress.'

'Leni, that's not a mirror.'

Leni looked closer. 'Oh. OHHH!'

That's right. It was Lisa's version of Leni. Out of all of the counterparts, she looked the most like her original, but there were still a few major differences. The biggest of which was probably the big pointy hat labelled 'dunce' that she wore. In addition, her eyes were severely derped; neither of them looked remotely in the right direction.

'Hi other me!' Leni greeted.

Dunce Leni - that seems like the most appropriate name - didn't soften her angry glare. The derped eyes didn't stop the rage from being conveyed.

'Maop! Mimme dah doh. Blap me rah!'

The gibberish was just that; gibberish, that seemed to lack any sort of pattern which allowed for easy translation.

'Excuse me?' Lana questioned. 'Can you... say that again please?'

'N'aw, don't mind her nothin'.' A familiar voice said. 'She's just worried abouts these here memaries, that's all. She don want no memaries of Lisa's gettin' destroyed.'

Redneck Lana emerged from behind Dunce Leni, and reached out to grab her hand. It seemed to relax her, judging by the smile. Still had derped-out eyes, though.

'Oh, these are memories!' Leni said, looking around. 'That makes sense!'

Dunce Leni smiled. 'Me roh gij ba Lisa titamoes! Ze ma rebba!' At least, this is my best attempt at transcribing her.

Since it's impossible to infer anything from that nonsense, I shall provide a helpful translation - 'I take care of Lisa's memories! It's really fun!'

'Yep. We let this young missy take care of these memaries cos'n she's tha only one who knows just which memaries ta keep.' Redneck Lana explained. 'Which so happ'ns ta be all of 'em.'

Lana wandered around, just a bit this time. This had to be the most interesting place yet, somehow more so than the intestines.

'These guys is fer all tha peoples in her life. Well, most of 'em anywhos. All tha ones 'bout them complecated maths and stuffs get their own room y'all can't go inta. That room is moar confusin' than a cloud fulla zebras!'

To Outside Lana, it was almost a game to identity which ones she could remember. Here was that concert they put on for Lincoln when he couldn't go to the real one. There was the fridge that Lisa divided into zones. Over in that direction was that song they did to convince Rita's boss to hire her to write the parenting column. And that one... wait, she didn't remember that one.

'Sa oppo mema Lisa me zibby albu seve!' (I don't want Lisa to forget her family!)

'Aw, that's so sweet!' Outside Leni said, apparently able to understand that.

It wasn't like Lana wasn't a part of this memory - she could see herself right there, fully awake and aware. She and the rest of her family were in the living room, video-chatting with Lisa who was... somewhere unfamiliar. It looked like an out-of-town lab. And she looked _sad_ as she pulled out a pie chart labelled 'Psych. Make-Up'.

'_As you can see, West Coast Rap still makes up two percent. But now scientific pursuit is a mere forty-eight percent while emotional attachment has been expanded to a whopping fifty percent_.'

'While I'm not tha one fer them smart iders and whatnot, I done think we should be trackin' that flyin' varmint down.'

'How do we do that? Lisa's still in trouble!'

From what she could understand from that confusing graph, Lana couldn't quite believe it. Since when did Lisa _ever_ mention caring _that_ much about emotional attachment, let alone at all?

'_What I'm trying to say is, y-you guys really mean a lot to me. I'm sorry I didn't realise this sooner_.'

'Youp mag boova tybu filpy ceebi marh.' (Maybe we should wait until the others get here.)

'Nawh. If'n we delay, our host's condishun might just get worsuh.'

Why didn't she remember this? Any other memory she couldn't recognise, she wasn't there for it.

'Then what do we-!'

The sound of the virus roaring echoed throughout the room. It wasn't a roar of anger or fear, but one of joy.

'Dadgum!' Redneck Lana exclaimed. 'That varmint is in these here midsts. We godda go af-tuh her! Com'on, lassie.' She said to her outside counterpart. 'We godda run!'

As Redneck Lana and the Leni's ran off towards the roaring sound, Lana took one last glance at the unknown memory before charging off after them.

* * *

This whole time, Lincoln remained watching out the living room window. If Lori gave him an order, he'd follow it like his life depended on it. Which, considering it was _Lori's_ order, it did. He said the safe-word to himself many, many times, making sure he wouldn't forget and yell out similar but incorrect words this time. In the ten or so minutes it took for the shenanigans upstairs to unfold, he had to pretend he was Ace Savvy awaiting a foe or something along those lines.

'And finally,' He monologued. 'The 52 Pick-Up Truck approaches with all fifty-two passengers... hang on...'

That wasn't the 52 Pick-Up Truck pulling into their driveway. That was...

'AHH!' He screamed, turning around. 'Pineapple, pineapple!'

* * *

'Aw, I liked those burn marks.'

Lori had just finished spending too much time patching up and covering Lynn's acid burns. The sporty girl seemed more disappointed than anything, while the eldest hoped she knew what she was doing.

'I literally don't care if you did or not.' Lori said as she finished the bandaging. 'I care about us not getting in trouble because you were... what were you even doing?'

'Oh, I was-'

'Pineapple, pineapple!'

Lori dropped the bandages. Her eyes widened. Her jaw dropped.

Lynn rolled her eyes. 'Stinkoln's been watching too much _SpongeBob_ again.'

'AAHH!' Lori shrieked.

Before Lynn could ask what the problem was, Lori dashed out the bathroom, and slammed the door to Luna and Luan's room right open.

'Guys! I need Li- what the...?'

She was greeted with the sight of Luan getting into a heated argument with Mr Coconuts. A few years ago, this would've shocked her completely. Now, she just stared.

'I don't see what the big deal here is, tuts.' Mr Coconuts 'said'. 'I saw you hitting on my brother the other day!'

Luan gasped. 'How do you know that? And it isn't my fault that your brother is such a big piece of wood!'

Oof, that joke's pushing the rating a bit. Lori approached Luna, who was busying putting a replacement string in her guitar.

'Dare I ask what Luan is talking about?' Lori asked.

Luna didn't look at her as she responded in a nonchalant manner. 'Lisa was flirting with Mr Coconuts earlier.'

'E-Excuse me?' Lori stared off into space, trying and failing to let such a statement sink in. She needed brain bleach, stat. 'N-Never mind that!' She said. 'Where is she?'

'We couldn't handle her anymore, so I gave her to Lynn.'

'What?! You kidding me?'

She left the room without consulting Luna further, and turned to Lynn, currently exiting the bathroom, with gritted teeth.

'Lynn, what did you do with Lisa?'

Lynn shrugged. 'I dunno what happened to her. After she threw acid at me, I must've left her with Lucy.'

Lori clenched her fists. 'Of course you did.'

With that, she stomped over to Lucy and Lynn's room. The door already open, she walked right in.

'Lucy, where is-?'

Instead of the goth, she saw holes that littered the floor. She carefully stepped over to them, and looked down to the floor underneath. Lucy lay on the dining room table, spread out like she was playing 'Corpse-cicles'.

'Uh, what are you doing...?' Lori asked with an eyebrow raised.

'I fell.' Lucy answered simply.

'Where's Lisa?'

'I left her with Lola.'

Oh good _lord_. What was this, a game of hot potato? Except this time with a toddler? Her face contorting in frustration, she brought herself to the twins' room. As she went to open the door, she expected just about everything _but_ Lisa being behind it. She anticipated Lola to yell at her something along the lines of 'I left her with Lily because she was ANNOYING ME'.

She was not at all ready for what greeted her when she opened the door.

'Outta my way, jerkface!'

She did not at all expect to see Lisa at the wheel of Lola's jeep, giving her a determined smirk and a woozy glance.

'L-Lisa?'

'I said, outta my way!'

Lisa slammed on the accelerator. Lori leapt out the way with a shriek just in time as the jeep zoomed out the door. Lola came out running after her.

'LIIISAAA!' She shouted. 'Come back to me AT ONCE!'

Despite all the questions floating around in her head, Lori knew one thing: They were literally doomed.

* * *

_Okay Lincoln, you gotta stall. Maybe Leni and Lana have succeeded, but you can't take any chances. Stall!_

Lincoln looked up to his parents, with that classic old 'I have a knife against my back' kind of smile. 'Hi Mom and Dad!' He said, laughing nervously. 'What brings you here?'

Rita gave him a look. 'Lincoln, we _live_ here.'

'Oh, r-right!'

_Good job, Lincoln. You're nailing it. They will NEVER suspect a thing now. Insert slow clap here._

Needless to say, his parents weren't buying it for a moment. He could tell from their stern glares.

'Okay son, what happened this time?' Lynn Sr asked.

Lincoln took a deep breath. Perhaps he could sorta kinda maybe tell the truth? 'Just another Lisa experiment gone wrong. Lori's just helping her clean up.'

Nailed it! A technical truth! No matter what, he couldn't be accused of lying. If those lie-detecting cameras were still a thing, he would've just gotten around their programming.

Rita turned to her husband. 'We really need to do something about Lisa and her experiments.'

'Oh, we can let the kid do what she likes.' Lynn Sr responded. 'There's nothing wrong with that!'

'Lynn, she's asked for my kidneys at least twice now.'

'Kid_ney_. Singular. You only need one!'

Lincoln was _about _to think that he was in the clear, but he knew he couldn't. Every time anyone thought they were good to go, something was bound to happen and he did not want to be contradicted. Heck, if he was lucky, maybe nothing _really_ would... dang it. Cue contradiction in three... two... one...

'HEY BUD! I've been looking for the one _dude_ in the house!'

Everyone's attention shot to the top of the stairs, where they were greeted with the sight of Lisa in the sparkling jeep. All three jaws dropped.

'Lisa? What are...?' Lincoln questioned.

Lisa flashed them a very wonky smile, her eyes only half open. It'd be borderline bedroom eyes if she weren't so wasted. The green residue around her lips did not help. Now, Lincoln had heard a lot of what happened. Between Luan's 'tearing me apart' reference and Lynn's yell of pain, it was clear stuff was going down.

THIS, however?

'AY, the 'rents are back too!'

Before anyone could even begin to get their thoughts together, Lisa activated the accelerator again and brought the jeep down the stairs. As she approached the ground floor, she turned sharply to the right and barely avoided running over her parents.

She gave her parents the same drunken smile she had all day. 'Hey Ma and Pa, howzit goin'? You out havin' fun again? If ya know what I mean.'

At first, all Lincoln and his parents could do was stare. Their thoughts had to take their time to collect themselves. Lincoln groaned and facepalmed, hard.

***THUD***

Do not be alarmed, readers. That was just the sound of Lynn Sr losing all blood flow to his head, and fainting due to it. Hearing his second-youngest daughter use such there-is-no-word-for-it language almost stopped his heart. Lori finally arrived on scene, standing at the top of the stairs. Upon seeing that they were too late, she cringed. With her dad on the floor, she knew that nothing she said could possibly fix the situation.

Rita, still conscious, glared up at her eldest daughter. 'Lori Marie Loud!' She yelled. 'We told you many times, you are allowed to drink with us as long as you are responsible and **don't** give anything to your younger siblings. What is _this_?!'

She motioned towards Lisa, who was laughing giddily before she sneezed all over the steering wheel, just as Lola arrived.

'Ewww...! LISA!'

Lori smiled nervously. Of course, she was totally innocent in this situation, but how - on Earth - was she supposed to explain this to her parents in a way that they would believe? Well, 'she' would believe. She couldn't explain the story to the unconscious man.

'Mom, don't get mad at her.' Lincoln said, stepping in for her. 'It isn't her fault. And Lisa isn't even drunk.'

'Then what's going on?' Rita demanded, crossing her arms.

Lincoln took in a deep breath, silently praying that he would be believed. His mother's stern look helped him not at all. 'So Lisa was studying this virus, and then it infected her, then Leni and Lana were shrunken and are now running around inside her. That's the short version.'

Rita's scolding glare had vanished, and now she just looked confused and shocked. She couldn't quite tell if she should've believed him or not.

'So... Leni and Lana are _inside_ Lisa?' She echoed.

'Yep.' Lincoln replied.

Rita looked back to Lisa. Well, she supposed that hangovers didn't typically cause symptoms associated with colds.

'And we're just... okay with this?'

'Um... it's Lisa?' Lori said.

As Rita tried to comprehend what the actual frick was going on - at the same time as Lynn Sr was slowly coming to - Lisa had already grown bored. She didn't feel like staying with this random kid, crazy woman, and possibly dead man. With a frustrated grunt, she shifted her car back into drive.

'See ya later, jerkasses!'

* * *

The quartet, now standing in the middle of the memory room, watched the virus fly around above everything. It sniffed the air with a smile on its face, adoring the scent of so many wonderful memories.

'Yaw mab sippci?' (What's it doing?)

Redneck Lana put her hands on her hips. 'What are ya askin' me fer? I'm moar clueless than a snail in a marathon!'

Outside Lana didn't get why the others were confused. To her, it was pretty obvious what the virus's plan was. What else would she be doing here? To prove her right, the virus changed its trajectory and flew straight down. It approached a memory cloud, another that Lana couldn't recognise, due to not being in it. In the memory, one could see Lincoln sitting with the crazy kindergartens during a school lunch, for some reason. He had an egg with a drawn-on face, also for some reason.

'_You'll be a great dad_.' Memory Lisa said sarcastically.

As soon as the virus got close, it took a massive bite out of the cloud. Before anyone could even gasp, she gobbled the rest of that memory up. It licked its lips as it pondered the taste. It was... alright. Nothing good, but not really bad either.

'AHHH!' Dunce Leni cried. 'Bap jid meq titamoe!' (She ate the memory!)

'What does that mean?' A slightly-panicked Outside Leni asked.

'It means it ain't gonna remembers that there memary no moar.' Redneck Lana said. 'With that there memary gone, Lisa ain't gonnas be ables ta recall that moment no matter how much she's remind'd of it.'

Outside Leni cringed. As far as she was aware, it was like that moment never happened, and from Lisa's perspective that was precisely the case.

All this time, Outside Lana had just one question. 'Why is she eating Lisa's blood and memories anyway? If she can eat anything, why does she have to eat from Lisa?'

'Um, I think I, like, heard something about Lisa studying it.' Outside Leni said. 'Maybe she's, like, angry at Lisa?'

Redneck Lana chuckled. 'Y'all are smar-tuh than peoples gives you credit fer. I'm not tah sure maself, but if'n I had ta guess, that would be ma best gu- HOO NEELY! That virus is goin' fer another round!'

Surprisingly she was right. The virus dove down again, aiming for a totally different memory this time. This one was of all of the siblings in some sort of treasure shop in the mall. Lincoln was holding a sparkly rock, calling it by the wrong name apparently.

'_It's called a geode_.' Memory Lisa snarked, before gasping. '_And it costs a whopping two hundred clams_.'

It was a fairly recent moment, so both Lana and Leni could easily remember it. Leni still didn't know why they needed clams to buy it, but whatever. It was from when they tried to get their father the best gift ever, only for their scrapbook to be what he really wanted all along.

_S_uch a fond memory... and the virus ate it up indiscriminately, until there was not a single scrap of it left. The virus reacted far more positively to this one. It grinned ear-to-ear as it savoured the utter sweetness it brought. In fact, it was so delighted by that memory, that it immediately spun around and aimed for another. More specifically, the one behind it. This one was a little bizarre, featuring a Lisa lacking glasses and with her hair/wig done up very differently.

'_I'm out of the tutoring game_.' She said, before Memory Luna got mad at Memory Lincoln... for some reason.

Before our heroes could react, it swallowed the memory whole.

'Maop! Bi wriz papu!' (Stop! Ya big meanie!)

The moment it could taste the memory, the virus grimaced. It gagged as the terrible sour taste remained in its mouth. Now that memory was just awful! The virus was doing Lisa a favour by getting rid of that one.

'Well, fine tootin' if that memary goes down!' Redneck Lana said, crossing her arms. 'I weren't tah fond of that there memary anyhoo. Our host was moar annoyin' than-'

Dunce Leni glared at her (to the best of her ability, what with those wonky eyes). 'Bap Lana! Rop titamoes hil trigiboo!' (Bad Lana! All memories are important!)

Redneck Lana rolled her eyes. 'Look, it ain't ma fault that that memary shudda been destroy'd months ago! And doncha gimme that crud about learnin' frum experience, cos Lisa didn't learn no less-'

'Um, guys?' Outside Leni piped up.

The two bickering workers aimed their glares at her, and she cringed; she didn't like having angry people looking at her, making her feel like she did something wrong.

'What?!'

'Gih?!'

Leni pointed to the virus, who was sniffing the air with a big smile on its face. Amongst the mixed bag of where it stood - between the deliciousness of the host's first playdate with David, the alright flavour of manufacturing a wig, or the downright awfulness of a nightmare that refused to be forgotten - it smelled something absolutely amazing. Its gaze fell on a set of doors all the way at one of the distant walls of this giant room. Without any second thoughts, it knew that room was where the sweet aroma emanated from.

So it took off, leaving these varied memories behind and heading straight to the really good ones.

Dunce Leni shrieked. 'AH! MI! LISA!' (Ah, no! Lisa!)

'Wait, what's in that room?' Outside Lana asked.

There was a sign above the doors, but from this distance its letters blended together into an unreadable mess. All Outside Lana could make out was a 'D', and only barely.

'Boap mif reev ma titamoes ve Darcy!' Dunce Leni yelled out, crying. (Those are all the memories of Darcy!)

Though Outside Lana, unlike her sister, couldn't answer the gibberish well at all, she picked up the key word.

'Darcy?!' The outsiders yelled together.

* * *

Sergeant Lori emerged from the safe room before any of her soldiers, who remained in the shelter awaiting their cue to leave. The leader looked around; everything had settled, and the culprit - the copious amounts of tea - had been effectively flushed out. But no sign of the virus, nor the people riding on it.

She wanted to get mad at the outsiders, but she knew that this time it was nobody's fault, not even that of her host since if she were in her right mind she wouldn't drink enough tea to make her sick. Perhaps everything would be over by now if the young plumber hadn't interfered, but she couldn't help but wonder if the little one was onto something the whole time.

Her gaze staying on the hatch that the virus managed to escape through, she called to her soldiers. 'Alright. Everyone out!'

The others followed their leader's orders, and left the bunker one at a time. They all looked up to the hatch, the only thing filling in the silence being the popping acid bubbles and Clown Luan's awful ill-timed puns.

'What do we do now?' Linka asked. 'Even if the outsiders survived, they could be anywhere.'

Subject Lily crawled up onto her leader's shoulder. 'If we're lucky, our host might've puked the virus out. But with how clever that virus is, I doubt it.'

At that moment, Sergeant Lori remembered that last forgotten member of her crew.

'**WELL, GREAT. AIN'T THIS JUST OUR LUCK?**' Screaming Luna said. '**NOW I'M SURE THAT LISA IS-**'

'Shadow Lucy!' Sergeant Lori called, shutting everyone else up. 'Report here immediately, front and centre!'

Nothing happened. The others watched her, sitting in waiting for anything to happen. The sergeant sighed.

'Alright ladies, turn around.'

As per her orders, all of them turned around a full one-eighty...

'WAH!'

And just as Sergeant Lori expected, everyone - including her - yelped as they saw the sentient shadowy blob staring at her with her glowing teeth.

'_I have returned. What do you request_?' She muttered.

Rubbing her temples, Sergeant Lori approached the oddest member of her team, past her terrified workers.

'Give it to me straight, soldier!' She yelled. 'You have some freaky way of knowing exactly where something or someone is. Got any clue where the virus and outsiders are? Are they even still alive?'

'_Yes. The virus and outsiders are still with us. For now_.'

'So tell me where they are!'

'_They are in Lisa's memory banks_.'

Sergeant Lori's eyes widened. She knew that the memory banks was a terrible place for the virus to be. Sure, Lisa could survive with most of her memories gone, but if the virus made her forget her family or friends...

She got rid of that weak frown, and gritted her teeth. 'Ladies, to the memory banks! At once!'


End file.
